Triggering (SH): Relapse with self harm

[slowly_fading]

I just messed up again! I made it 54 days then messed up 5 days ago. I thought I could make it 54 days again, but messed up again!!! I'm so angry!!! I was just overwhelmed, my little sibling just got pretty hurt, and then my parent started to yell at my other sibling who is an adult because they did not come up to see if my little sibling was alright. So now my older sibling is getting kicked out tomorrow and my little sibling has a huge bump on their head. I forgot to take my meds this morning so I have been really anxious all day. I'm just super mad, a little while ago I was telling myself "I just don't care, it will help, I just don't care". And started to self-harm. I was suppose to make it 54 more days! I don't want to disappoint my therapist nor my parents! I know better coping skills I just messed up again! I don't want to keep messing up, I keep failing my expectations!

[Ennui.]

Hey there,

I don't think it would be a disappointment if you tell your therapist and parents what is going on. Maybe you can explain that everything has been really stressful for you lately and you tried really hard, and are disappointed that you had a slip up. Let them know you REALLY don't want to keep messing up, but maybe need a bit of added support right now. At the very least, your therapist should know to help you move past these relapses and keep moving forward, if you really don't want to tell your parents. But if you feel able to tell both, it means more support!

With your parents, even if you don't talk about the self harm per say, maybe you can talk to them about some of the things going on, such as your worry about your younger sibling and your older sibling getting kicked out.

Maybe you can also do something to keep remembering to take your medication? For example, set an alarm, so that way you will hear the alarm and remind yourself it's time to take your meds. Or put them somewhere you'll see a lot in the morning so you can remember to take them. That may help stabilize you some.

I think you should try and find ways to express that anger and the feelings of being overwhelmed. Write, draw, or use art. Exercise or play a sport. Those are all much better outlets for your emotions.

Maybe you can write yourself a note and leave it with your self harm tools, reminding yourself of all of the reasons why you shouldn't self harm, such as wanting to do better and feel proud of yourself. It may help you by giving you a moment to think before you act.

You may be having a hard time right now, but don't let it beat you. You do have the coping skills in place now, and you do have the motivation and support, and that can go SUCH a long way. I know you can do this.

-Dez

[Green Yoshi]

54 days is a long time and you should be really proud of yourself. You are someone with so much willpower. You are an inspiration to all who want to quit SH. i'm sorry for what happened to your sibling and i think that you deserve better than to witness such pain and suffering.... and i'm sorry for the way it made you snap. But i want to reassure you that all pains and problems can be overcome. you can make it through it and you shouldn't give up on yourself.

i , too will always be here if you wanna talk to someone. My Pm box is always open. And i think that you should never ever downgrade yourself. you are someone who deserves love and care.