Younger

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]When I was around 8 years old, my older sister would watch me when our parents were not home and she started masturbating and made me do this with her and to her too. I never wanted to and I always said no and she still made me. She would grab my hands and hold me down. I never told anyone, my boyfriend asked me the other day to have sex for the first time and we started making out and he put his hand under my shirt and I grabbed his hand and said stop please and he did and moved back from me and asked if I'm okay and I said sorry I'm not ready and he said it's okay. I don't know what's wrong with me.[/size][/color][/font]

[Ennui.]

I’ve moved this to rape and abuse because of the abuse surrounding your older sister and how it is impacting you now. If you have any questions let me know!

I’m so sorry about what happened when you were younger. It wasn’t your fault at all and you did not deserve it. Have you spoken with a therapist or another trusted adult about what happened when you were 8? Someone like a therapist can help you really process what happened to you and reach you coping mechanisms for when you are triggered.

I think there’s nothing wrong with you and you’re not a bad person for not being ready. I think a lot of what is going on is related to the trauma you went through as a child. It can lead to some bad memories and anxiety surrounding sexual activities.

Does your boyfriend know what happened to you? You don’t have to explain anything you’re not comfortable with but it might help him better understand why you reacted the way you did.

Even if you don’t tell him what happened maybe you can think of some things that would help you feel more comfortable with sex. You don’t have to force yourself to do anything you aren’t ready for yet, but is there anything that would make you more comfortable such as him saying a certain phrase or touching you in a certain way? It seems like he’s very respectful of your needs though, and that’s a huge plus.

Try to reassure yourself that you are safe now and that you deserve to live a happy life. Maybe find some ways to practice self care like taking a warm bath or shower, coloring, or lighting your favorite candle. You can also express how you feel through writing, art, or music.

You can get through this! Take things slowly if you need to. You’ll get there.

[Ambedo.]

I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to you when you were younger. What your sister did was definitely not okay and I hope you truly know that none of it was your fault. I also want to reassure you that nothing is wrong with you. When people experience trauma, triggers can be caused by a number of things, even things that aren't necessarily negative or unwanted. It sounds like that's what happened when your boyfriend touched you. I'm really glad to hear that he was understanding and supportive when you expressed that you weren't ready and wanted to stop.

Have you told anyone in your life about what happened when you were younger? If not, perhaps you could consider speaking to a therapist about what happened. Because they're mental health professionals, a therapist will likely to be able to provide you with tools that will help you work through what happened and give you coping mechanisms that may be useful to you when triggers do come up. If talking to a therapist isn't possible for you, is there an adult in your life that you trust and would feel comfortable opening up to about this? While they may not have the same training as a therapist, being able to talk about it with someone at all can be incredibly beneficial and help take some of the weight off of your shoulders.

It may also be helpful to talk to your boyfriend about this. While you don't have to share any more details than you're comfortable with, letting him know that you were triggered may help him understand why you reacted the way that you did and allow him to learn more about ways to better support you. If you don't want to give him any details, you could say something along the lines of "I had a traumatic experience relating to sex and, while I'm not ready to talk about it, I do want you to know that my reaction had nothing to do with you". If you're not comfortable with it at all, you don't have to say anything to him. It's completely up to you and what feels best for you and your healing.

One of the most important things to remember is to give yourself grace and allow yourself to take things as slowly as you need to. You don't need to push yourself into doing anything that you're not ready for. Take as much time as you need and only engage in sexual activities as far as you feel comfortable with.

You've got this!