Triggering (Abuse): How Am I Supposed to Know that I'm Being Emotionally Abused?

[Ballsack]

Yeah, basically the title. I've had this thought throughout my life because on one hand my mom is a really fun bubbly person and she never really laid a hand on me, and even if she did it's really light like knocking on my head. On the other hand, for some reason everytime I felt like I messed up I need to hide it from her, and if she does find out I would have a pretty bad panic attack. Like very recently when my try out test results came and they're bad (because I purposefully didn't study) and I hid in the bathroom locking it while she banged on the door and turned off the light. I don't understand, it was a try out that means it's not a real test yet and it's a test from my after school tutor so the grades there wouldn't even affect my grades in school. But now I'm extremely terrified that I won't be able to pass the college entrance exam test (idk about your country but my country have these) and she'll say things that would absolutely destroy me. I know it will happen because even though things look fine and she's laughing and joking and all that, I could feel the lingering tension like she's coiled up and ready to spring and attack me and I'm honestly terrified I won't be able to recover from it this time.

And also recently I have a boyfriend but I'm hiding it from her partly because we dated at the wrong time (near the college entrance exam months) and partly because I'm scared she'll weaponise him against me. She had done it once when we weren't dating yet, I was having a call with him and when I'm done she told me how it's no wonder me are scared of me with the way I laugh. My boyfriend spent so much time convincing me that he genuinely loves every part of me and how I look how I act and I'm scared that she'll make me doubt him and ended up destroying our relationship and hurting not just me but him.

I don't know guys, even writing all this down I'm still not sure if it's emotional abuse or am I just being over dramatic. And even if it's emotional abuse I wouldn't even know what to do because clearly I don't have the physical marks to show anyone so I could get help, and her words could be just light scolding for anyone else so they'd call me sensitive. I'm kind of lost here and I'm scared

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

Based on what you've said, it's hard to tell if she is emotionally abusing you or if you are just anxious to disappoint her or anxious to do poorly on things. Can you give some examples of things she has said or done in the past when situations like you've mentioned have arisen? I/we might be more clear on things if you give us specific examples on what has happened.