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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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ColoradoXLove Offline
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Unhappy Rape caused break up - February 4th 2010, 10:41 PM

Last summer I was rapped by one of my friends. I started dating my (ex) boyfriend in august and we talked about it. After telling me how dumb I was about it he would randomly bring it up here and there, but today... He was tickling me and we were joking around and stuff and I was trying to get him to stop tickling me and all of a sudden he stood and said, "So I have a question, how come you can fight me off, but not him?". I told him that the guy who did that to me is stronger. My boyfriend immediately grabbed my arm and pulled me off of his couch to the floor and screamed "get the f**k out of my house". I was so terrified that I ran shaking out of his house. Just now on the phone he toldd me that I insulted him, and he then called me a whore and broke up with me.

I need someone elses input please.... i need help
   
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Re: Rape caused break up - February 4th 2010, 11:19 PM

Hey,
That was really insensitive of your boyfriend to do.
Maybe he found it a hard thing to deal with, a lot of guys find rape a really sensitive issue as well as women.
Part of it I think is not wanting a girl or woman to think they are being pushed into anything.

I think if your boyfriend could be this insensitive without considering your feelings he's probably not worth having, I wouldn't consider what you said an insult and I'm sure a lot of people would agree with me.
He had no need to do that.
I really do think you're better off without him.
Rape is a touchy subject anyway without bringing it up without consideration for someone who has been through such a traumatic experience's feelings.
I'm always here if you need to talk,
Paige xox
   
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Re: Rape caused break up - February 5th 2010, 03:40 AM

Hey there,

I hate to be blunt, but he does not deserve you if he treats you like that. Getting raped was not your fault, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You are not 'dumb' because it still bothers you, it's going to bother you, and it's not your fault. Some people are insensitive sometimes, try not to let him effect you, he's wrong.

If you need anything, don't hesitate to pm me.


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Re: Rape caused break up - February 5th 2010, 05:23 PM

hey.

just put it this way.. guys sometimes go by their feelings and say insensitive things. He does not know that if he feels bad, He DOES NOT know that you feel so much worse.

There are guys better than him out there =) He does not deserve to have you as a girlfriend.. plain and simple .


Those who have went through more pain than everyone else, and want to protect anyone and everyone they know and care for from that pain, are stronger than everyone.

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Ryan1 Offline
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Re: Rape caused break up - February 6th 2010, 12:05 AM

I think you might have insulted his manhood – saying that another guy is stronger isn’t what he wanted to hear, although he did way over reacted. Personally I wouldn’t want to be around someone that’s a ticking time bomb like that anyways.

No real man should ever treat a lady like that no matter what the case maybe. I think you made the right choice, you just got up and left – that could have gotten ugly.
   
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Re: Rape caused break up - February 6th 2010, 05:12 PM

It seems as if he tested you to see if you could fight him off. And then when he saw you could, he thought that you instead slept with that guy who raped you and he thought you cheated on him. Summary --> It seems he thinks you cheated on him.

This was emotional anger from his part. It seems thats why he did this. But instead if you want you can try and talk to him and ensure him that you didn't cheat on him. Or you can let him go.
   
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Re: Rape caused break up - February 7th 2010, 04:17 AM

There is no excuse for what he did, your ex or your rapist. It's doesn't matter if you "insulted his manhood"; this is not about him. For your ex to make it about himself just shows what a selfish dick he was. Itís also not your issue why he treated you that badly; he is solely responsible for his own behavior, which is pretty damn awful. The assault was in no way your fault, and the way this boy acted is in no way your fault.

A lot of guys have horrible attitudes about rape, and unfortunately, it's usually because they think very little of womin. You do not deserve to be treated the way your ex or your rapist treated you. You are incredibly strong and amazing; if anyone tries to tell you otherwise, tell them to fuck off and that you're fabulous.

I wish you all the best. I hope you find someone to talk to who is understanding and caring; you can always come here. Mwah!


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Re: Rape caused break up - February 7th 2010, 08:45 PM

I wish you the best as well, you'll come out in the end a stronger person for having to deal with all of this


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