Triggering: Was it rape?

[askingcolie]

had posted on here before about my rape a couple months ago. However, today was my 16th birthday. My boyfriend broke up with me two days ago, half my friend ditched me, and my mom yelled at me all day. So I did what any irresponsibel 16 year old would do. I drank. I drank at the pool in my apartment complex with two of my best friends. they left to do something (I'm not sure what I was drunk) and told some guy to take my to his apartment. He did. I rememeber bits n pieces. by the time I got there, i collapsed on his couch. he kept asking me questions. Could he do this do that. I 'hmmmhmhmhmmhmh'ed back in response, I couldn't talk. Next thign i knew his hand my down his pants, his, erm, thing was in my mouth. Then I was in the bedroom, He was inside of me. I couldn't move or open my eyes. And it really hurt. Next thing I know- knock on the door- he told me not to tell anyone. Then I was walking to my friends. Keep in mind- this is bits and pieces.
A few things tho- I am confused-
I may or may not have consented.
It may or may not have even happened?
I may or may not be over reacting because of the previous rape.
He is 19, an adult.
I was highly highly intoxicated.

I'm not sure what happened to me. But i feel disgusting. This is a guy i would never have touched without alcohol. I feel used and yes, I feel violated. Can someone pelease tell to what course of action I should take.

[Radzie]

Hey Nicole,
I am so sorry to hear that it happened to you. You're 16, right? and you're not legally eligible. i think that this guy took advantage of the situation that you were in, and legally speaking, the condition you were in, even if you had consented, this guy could be prosecuted. so, i definately think that you've been taken advantage of, and you should talk about this to someone you're real close to, and most probably talk to some adult, as that person would be able to guide you better. and stop feeling wretched..!! it's over, the damage cannot be redone, but take precaution next time.

[FlyingTrue]

Even if the age difference was not a factor, you were intoxicated, and therefore could not legally give consent. So definitely file a police report.

[askingcolie]

But couldn't I get in trouble, also? For being underage and drinking.... My friends kept saying that I didn't have a lot to drink- I couldn't have been SO drunk. But I was. They won't believe me... Why would a jury. Everyone told me my last rape was my fault...what about this one.? This seems to be my fault as well

[Le Papillon]

Nikki, it wasnt your fault. for some people, even a little bit to drink can really get them drunk. and getting in a little bit of trouble for undersge drinking is, in my opinion, better then letting him getting away with taking advantage of you. i think you should file a report.

[Philomath]

Hi Nikki,

Being raped definitely was not your fault.
Yes, you were drunk, which possibly made your ability to stand up for yourself limited, but it also proves that he took advantage of you which is wrong and illegal.
You will not get in any trouble because of this, it wasn't your fault and he's the one in the wrong here and you were the victum.
Every person is different when it comes to alcohol or anything similar, everyone has a different amount that makes them drunk, some people can drink a couple drinks and be drunk while others can drink a few drinks and still be fine, whether your friends think you were drunk or not doesn't really matter in this, you know yourself that you were drunk therefore him getting in trouble for taking advantage of you will be most likely and I believe the jury will believe you.
I think you should file the police report against him, he deserves it and you deserve to see something happen to him for hurting you.

[Sythan]

Yes you were raped and should file a police report.

However, I doubt the case would make it to trial, and if it did, he would probably be found Not Guilty. You were intoxicated while underage, the Defense could claim the alcohol made you think you were being raped while he was just trying to help you to the couch or bed or whatever, because you were underage and drunk thus affecting your memory.

Unless there is DNA evidence, there is almost no chance he would get in trouble, it's basically your word against his, and you were drunk while it happened.

I am terribly sorry this happened to you, he really did take advantage of you. I hope everything turns out alright, if you ever need any help or support, we are always here

[llamasliketoparty]

If you were too drunk to remember if you consented, you didn't. It was totally rape. You didn't have control over what was happening.

[Tigerlily.]

You need to take action and take it fast, file a police report because it was rape. Even if you consented, you were drunk, yes you will get in trouble but it's worth it to get him taken care of, I can promise you that. Also since this only happened yesterday, you can probably still get a rape kit test, which then it would provide information so you could know for sure and put your mind to ease on whether it happened or not.

[askingcolie]

Yesterday, I told my mom and she called the police. I filed a report and had a rape kit done. The police officers were really nice, so was the nurse, and the cirsis counselors. I'm trying to stay strong through this and will meet with a detective either tomorrow or the day after. Thank you for all your support.

[LlamaLlamaDuck]

That's amazing, Nikki. I'm so glad you were able to talk to someone and hopefully get the animal who attacked you brought to justice before he tries to rape some other poor girl.
Stay strong, you will get through this. I'm here if you ever want to talk.

[askingcolie]

I'm just afraid of a trial. The being ripped apart of the stand. Or the stff he may say 'oh she wanted it. She loved it. She seduced me. She's a slut' I've watched Law and Order- I know how people play this. I'm so scared living in the same complex as him.

[Tigerlily.]

Just remember that now that this is with the legal system, they will do everything they can to keep you safe from him, during the trial he'll probably be put in jail so he won't even be in the complex and you can file a restraining order requiring him to move. Also, he may say those things but the fact is, you were drunk, and when someone is drunk and their BAL (Blood Alcohol Level) is at a certain number, they can not legally give consent whether an adult or a minor. It's not your fault, and it will be hard but remember to just keep telling the truth all the way through it to get this man put where he should be, behind bars.

[blumemusik♫]

Not read all the posts, so this has probably been said.
Depending on where you live, you may or may not be under the legal age of consent. So this may or may not have been statutory rape ----> http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f6-se...n-age-consent/

(Just seen you are from Arizona, where the legal age of consent is 18, and you can't have sex below this age. Especially because he was an adult, it WAS statutory rape.)

Also, as you were under the influence of alcohol, you couldn't give consent, so again, it was 'accquaintance rape.' ----> http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f13-r...at-rape-abuse/




OH. Just read all the posts.

Well, I know first(ish)-hand what a real rape court case is like. My ex-best-friend accused a boy I know of rape. Now they're in court, and he isn't allowed within about 10 miles of her house. So I wouldn't worry about him coming near you.

And like Cheye said (and I said at the start of this post,) if you were intoxicated AND below the age of consent, it WAS rape, regardless of if you said yes. Whatever he says in court, these are facts.

Good luck <3

[tamz]

Hey love,
I'm really sorry you had to go through this. Try not to be afraid of the trial, you've done the hardest bit and that's reporting it, well done! It must have taken a lot of courage and you should be proud of yourself.
None of this was your fault hun, don't every think that. You can get through this and you ever want to chat, we're always here for you. if okay xx

[Ambiance]

**** anyone who says it was your fault! Like seriously, that's awful. Rape is NEVER the victim's fault. He took advantage of you, rat him out, he deserves it. SOMEONE will listen to you. I don't think you'll get in trouble for drinking, but there might be questions as to whether he was drinking as well; prepare for this. But definitely get help, and keep telling adults until someone listens; SOMEONE will.

[Kristen♡]

Good look honey! I'm so sorry this happened to you, but kudos for having the strength to tell your mom and taking action. That must have been difficult. And also, about trial. I promise you, not everything is what they make it out to be on Law & Order. It will probably be a bit different than what you're expecting.

[Coffee.]

I'm so proud that you told. Yes this is rape, but they should not make you pay when you were victimized. I would recommend not to drink like this again, but drinking or not, he had NO right to do that to you.

[ZoeyElaine]

This is definantly rape. I'm glad that you told. Anything that is happening against your will sexually is rape. Being 16, you shouldn't be drinking. I wouldn't do that again, because it is just going to mess things up for you, and some pretty nasty things could happen to you.