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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Exclamation is this rape????? - January 31st 2012, 04:01 AM

My last boyfriend had sex with me... He didn't ask me... i tried to refuse but it happened anyway... once he was in i was too afraid to fight back i just laid there while he did what ever he wanted because i was afraid and sad and i felt so helpless! We had sex 4 times all the same as above. i just stoped careing and stoped trying to say no... does this count as rape? i know that the other times don't because i stopped caeing and just let it happen since saying no didn't do anything.. but was the first time rape???
   
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Re: is this rape????? - January 31st 2012, 04:15 AM

If u told him no and he refused to listen to u, then yes it is considered some form of rape. Especially if u felt hopeless and such. I can't say what to do except try not to get in a situation where u and him are alone so it doesn't happen again. Im sure other people will have better answers on what to do
   
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Re: is this rape????? - January 31st 2012, 06:58 AM

As Lauren said, if you tried to refuse and let him know you didn't want to go through with it, then it's considered rape. If by "tried to refuse" you mean you never ACTUALLY refused even though you were thinking it, then it would be hard to blame him. Only you know what exactly happened, so please act on it and get some help if it actually was rape. Even if you never really told him, and you feel uncomfortable, you should still go see someone to sort out your feelings. Good luck..


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Re: is this rape????? - January 31st 2012, 11:10 AM

Lauren and Carpe Diem basically said it right. If you verbally said no, or physically showed signs of not wanting to as in trying to push him off or trying to get out from under him and saying no, it is rape. But if you didn't verbally say no or try to push him off of you, really, he may not have known you didn't want it. If, by the information we've provided on the definition, it was rape, I highly suggest talking to someone such as a trusted adult and/or a therapist or counselor.


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Re: is this rape????? - February 2nd 2012, 10:13 AM

According to this thread, rape occurs when the person doesn't give consent. If you tried to refuse, and never actually said 'yes', then I would say it counts. It sounds like this is something that's still bothering you, so, as the others have said, I would recommend talking to somebody about it, so you can move past it. Good luck.


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Re: is this rape????? - February 12th 2012, 11:42 AM

*I disagree with carpe diem and agrophobia completly, people who this happens to usually believe its their fault, but it isnt, not pushing him away and being his gf at the time definately does not make it your fault.

For example, if someone came up to me with a knife and tried to mug me, i would probably do what they ask, that doesnt make it my fault i was mugged, even if they asked me how i would react, and itold them i would do what they asked, and THEN they mugged me, it still wouldnt be my fault, the same applies for you,

fear makes us react in very different ways than how people would expect, and you can ask anyone else this has happened to, theyll tell you they reacted in the same way.

please dont believe this is your fault, and dont believe you need to feel disgusting about yourself or that it makes you a dirty person, or anything less as a human than you were before.

it sounds like you really need to talk to someone about this, try a teacher, counsellor, parent etc,
your friends wont be experts on this subject, so if you talk to them, only go for support, not advice, its best to talk to a teacher or counsellor, as theyll know how to best handle the situation ,

good luck with everything PM if you need to

P.S it doesnt matter who considers it as rape or not, if its happening and making you feel horrible, then it shouldnt be happening, although, this clearly is rape, nt just in my opinion, but also through the eyes of law
   
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