Advice with handling/telling over-protective parents?

[Raven Marie]

So I just turned 16 years old, just started my junior year in high school, and my 2nd year of vet tech in a vo-tech school, and Ive been thinking about having a baby for over a year now (I wasnt ever going to have one before 16 at the youngest, because I know it is a better decision to wait till Im way older. But I just dont know how to resist the fact that Im ready and I want a baby.).... And my boyfriend said that he thinks we might be ready. But my parents already HATE my boyfriend....
Hes a little older and will be getting a good job soon (And Im currently looking), as well as will be getting an apartment soon. I know we'll be financially ready, but I'm just really scared of how my parents would react.
I told him I wanted to wait at LEAST till I finished junior year, though I really think we could now.
I know a lot of people are gonna say that its "just hormones", or that I'm not ready because I'm young, but I know I'm ready.

I took care of my little half-brother when he was born at only 8 years old while his mother was drunk and our father was at work, along with a couple of my cousins between now and then. Ive always been amazing with kids!

So, my struggles are pretty much deciding on
A) How long I can wait
B) How to tell parents that I am (When I am)
C) Worrying about how I'll be able to see my boyfriend

Help?
Please don't yell at me, telling me that I'm a terrible person, that there is just no way I'm ready, all that.... I dont mind if you have that opinion, Im conflicted myself. But please, don't be mean or rude about it.

[Kate*]

Hey Raven, I'm not going to yell at you, and you are not a horrible person, but I will say that if you're conflicted then you aren't ready. You've said here that you know it would be better to wait until you're a lot older, but that you think you're ready. Having a child is a big decision at any age and it's common for teenagers to think they're ready and then they get hit with the reality that it's a lot harder than they thought and by then, there's no going back. It's developmentally expected that you start considering the possibility of having kids someday. It's also common to believe that everything is going to work out perfectly. That's not your fault, but things happen, and it's not going to be as easy as you think. I think it's great that you're amazing with kids, maybe babysitting or working at a daycare center would be a good idea. If you do have kids, you'll need the practice anyway.

[Raven Marie]

I'm really only conflicted because of my parents. My father once threatened to send me to military school if I had a baby before 18, and my mother never really said anything about it. I've never been very close with either of them and could really care less, but I just don't want to put my baby in a bad situation.

[Kitty.]

Hey Raven,

I understand that you want to have a baby now. It's actually fairly common for teenagers to want babies. However, I don't recommend having a baby until you are over the age of 18, live on your own, and are financially stable. If you have a baby, your parents will most likely have to take care of it since you will be in school. Additionally, you said you are conflicted. That right there shows me that you are probably not ready to have a baby. I recommend getting a job at a daycare or start babysitting kids around your neighborhood. That way, you will get to take care of kids but you won't be burdened with the responsibilities that come with having kids.

[Lizzie]

You are not a terrible person, it's very common for teenagers to want to have children.

Have you thought about how you will be able to financially support this child? Can you afford somewhere to live, food, electricity, water, plus all of the needs of a child? Do you have your own health care?

Are you aware with the risks of having a child in your teens years? Do you know teenage pregnancies have a higher rate of miscarriage. The baby is more likely to be born with physically and mental disabilities than born to a woman in her twenties. Babies born to teenagers also have a higher risk of dying from SIDS.

There is a lot to consider. Is it really worth risking things just to have a child right now? You can always have one in the future. There's is no rush.

[Lelola]

Well, here's some advice... Don't do it.

If you want a child, you need to be 100% self-sufficient. A child is more work than a puppy or cat. You can't just give a child away when the relationship goes bad or you need to focus on yourself. The first steps is being self-sufficient and this means everything.

Can you afford your own rent? If you aren't paying for it right now, start paying for it. Pay your parents 1/2 of the mortgage. Include 1/2 of the electricity and 1/2 of the water. Pay for your cellphone and for any food that you choose to eat. Any clothes? Pay for them too. Pay for transportation and if you want to learn to drive or drive already, then pay for car insurance. Do this for a year. Maybe do it as an experiment to see if you can do it and set it up in a separate fund. I'm willing to bet that you cannot afford to pay for all of that.

Then after four months, start adding up the cost of raising a child. Start factoring in baby wipes, diapers, and baby formula. Assume that the baby needs to be on formula due to health reasons. Start looking into child care and see how much that would cost. Any time you want to go out with the boyfriend, add in 10 bucks an hour for a baby sitter (minimum of 5 dollars). Look for the cost of daycare for when you are in school and when you are working. And whatever amount you think you will need? You should probably double it.

Also, during this assume that your boyfriend and you have gotten into a major fight and have broken up so you are doing this by yourself. Just assume as most high school relationships do not last. Unfortunately, even if you two do not break up assume that something horrible happens and he is injured and no longer allowed to work or even worse he dies. How will you pay for everything then? Will you depend on your parents and leach off of them or will you have a skill set that could support raising a child while maintaining a lifestyle you would like to provide for them?

Also, just because you think you may be able to get a good job with vet tech, wait till you have the job in hand. If your area is saturated with graduates from your school, you may find out that you may be able to only find part-time work or work in a different field.

It's also nice that you're good with kids, but start factoring in being responsible for them 24/7. The odds of you actually being responsible for them 24/7 at 8 is slim. Even babysitting is different.