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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
ladoglover Offline
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Age: 29

Posts: 199
Join Date: December 27th 2019

No friends=depressed - January 2nd 2021, 02:55 AM

Not looking for advice. Everything I try to do to make friend does not work. I just am looking for empathy, compassion and caring.

I try so hard to make friends but it does not happen. I do the whole saying hi how are you today. I ask over text if they want to hang out and they say no. I keep up the communication with them in that I say hi to them when ever I see them in class and say how is it going or something.

I do any thing else that could help me get them to be my friend such as offering them a car ride if they needed one, inviting them to lunch, telling them they can just come over and chill and so on and nothing works nothing gets better no one is my friend }:

When I was in bachelors I seriously tried hard to make friends so hard that it got very depressing when I didn't make any friends after trying so hard to make them and it still did not happen. Then my body internalized it as well maybe im ugly and thats why they don't want to be my friend which then started the OCD with my hair part. If my hair part was not perfect and straight then I felt maybe I was ugly and so my OCD was wanting it perfect brushing over and over and over again even when it seemed perfect it still felt it wasn't. I would spend hours and hours in the mirror and brush until my head hurt. I got through that OCD all on my own. It has not been easy. Its better than it used to be.

Now in masters. I started grad school in January of 2020 so not much time to make friends with covid happening. Before covid happened I did try to make friends at college and still did not happen }: Its very depressing that these two girls in my cohort for masters will not be my friend when we have things similar in common such as single, no kids and around the same age. I do not know if I should keep trying.

They do not seem interested in being my friend. Like when we were in person in January 2020 this one time I walked next to her walking to the same class while talking to her because that's what people do to make friends they walk next to each other they socialize but then when we got to the class we were told we had to switch rooms. So I thought okay I would walk next to the girl again to go to the next class but just waited to see if she would take the incentive to walk together. So what happened she didn't walk with me }: It was very hurtful that she didn't walk with me. I feel she knew it hurt me because when we got to the classroom she comes up to me to saying a pleasantry. I feel she said that to me because I feel she knew not walking with me probably hurt me so she wanted to make me feel better by saying a pleasantry to me. I just acted all normal when she talked to me because I didn't want her to know it hurt me and I did not want to come off as desperate for a friend.

My social anxiety seems to be getting worse with age and it seems no medication takes it away which sucks. I have a lot of social anxiety when I am in the classroom. Thats why I am worried about going back to in person this coming semester. I will not know if its in person or online until 2 weeks before the semester starts.

It really hurts not making friends. One reason it hurts is because I know I am a good person and a caring person so I would be an awesome down to earth chill friend but no wants to be my friend }: When I really would be the best friend and a great friend that a person would want because I am so chill we could just hang out at the dorm and talk and chill, I do not judge, I have a lot of empathy a friend could tell me any thing and I wouldn't judge only listen and show caring, you can be your normal self around me no make up even pjs if you want ill still be your friend and I would be there for you if you ever needed a ride or a shoulder to cry on or anything else. But no one wants to be my friend though and I do not get why when im chill down to earth, good person and caring.

Her not walking to class with me really hurt me. It really hurt because if some one wants to get to know you and wants to maybe be your friend they would walk with you to the next class you would think but she didn't |:
I live in a dorm when I am at school in person and many master students do not. Which means I walk to class from my dorm. She did offer me a ride home from class one day but then other students started offering me rides too. I think it was just to be nice not because they wanted to be my friend.

A long time ago it used to not bother me if I didn't make friends. Ever since bachelors its really bothering me now to the point I go home and cry about it. It really hurts I do not have friends and it really hurts when things happen that make it obvious they don't want to be my friend such as not walking with me. I do not want it to bother me and I try to not let it but then the tears come out. If I go back I feel Ill just be crying and depressed at the thought of having no friends }: I will have to see those two girls again in person which is so awkward to me because they don't even try to be my friend but I do.
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Re: No friends=depressed - January 2nd 2021, 10:12 PM

I know you want friends, but sometimes you are to clingy and pushy.
I get you thought just talking to the person would make friends but that isn’t how you make friends. The other person has to be willing. Someone could walk next to me and talk to me I will sometimes ignore them because I don’t want friends, or I will talk hopping they will shut up and go away.

You say your are a caring empathetic person and don’t judge people and will just listen. That isn’t the case with you or you maybe trying harder. But you have defiantly judge me for my relationship, for being 29 and focusing on my mental health before anything else.

In order to make friends I would work on a lot of DBT skills because it seems you are desperate to get any interaction and sometimes that turns on to stocking people, being obsessed with people, yelling at the person if they don’t agree with you or if we say we don’t want to be your friend.

Before trying to make friends. I really think you should get into a DBT group, not just a DBT therapist but actual group that meets once a week. It’s really helpful and do the full year and really try you may have to do a second year. I did almost 2 years

I hope this was helpful.
My pm/vm is always open if you need anything.

Your Friend,
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