TL;DR: Parent 1 gets new & reliable medication but has a huge
seizure instead, gets a third-degree
burn a few days later, leaves me alone in the house to get
brain surgery for a tumor,
bedbound for months, currently somewhat better but brain surgery & stress has changed their personality to the point of
abusive.
Therapy and counseling is not an option.
BACKGROUND- I have no siblings, pets, whatever. I'm in a family of three.
- I have no other relatives in my country.
- To preserve anonymity, I'll be referring to my parents as Parent 1 and Parent 2.
- I'm in the US. Not sure if this is expected since I'm very new to this site lol.
- I am not above sixteen years old.
PART 1
All of this started six months ago.
Parent 2 was out on a business trip to a distant state, leaving me and Parent 1 in the household. I was in the middle of a handful of consecutive teacher workdays, so no school either.
Parent 1 got new medication from a hospital they'd been visiting for a decade;
both the med and the hospital are reliable and well-known.
As I wrapped up my lunch, my parent abruptly had a
grand mal seizure.
Now, I've researched health conditions and knew exactly what it was when my parent started moaning and mechanically hitting their own chest over and over.
But I was under the mindset of "that'll never happen to anyone I know", so I had
never learned how to help them. So cut to me clamping my ears shut and in fetal position in the bathroom as my parent continued to suffer for the next three hundred seconds.
Even then, I was furiously researching how to handle a seizure on my phone. I was still paralyzed by sheer horror, so I had 911 typed in but never called.
Thankfully, the situation resolved with no injuries. Parent 1 & I immediately notified
Parent 2, and they comforted and checked in with me through texts and calls very often, which I'm thankful for.
___
PART 2
Parent 1 was quite fatigued after the seizure, even after a few days.
Something had been clearly wrong with them before the incident, but no one really knew what. The new medication had been prescribed specifically to treat their fatigue and pain.
Due to the fatigue, they ended up
spilling boiling hot water all over their lap.
I was quick to help, but they still had a large burn all over their thighs.
Parent 2 was back home at this point, but this happened during their work hours.
I was alone again in helping a crisis.
I didn't know the severity for the next couple days since Parent 2 had helped wrap the injury in a gauze. When I finally found out, I saw that the skin was red and black and melting/peeling off. I don't think further description is needed.
___
PART 3
We finally realized that the fatigue and pain was due to a brain tumor. And
brain tumors require brain surgery.
The surgery did not have a 100% survival rate.
It was Halloween when it happened. Minors aren't allowed in that part of the hospital, so I had to
spend the day and night alone in the house. It was my first time being alone like this.
What did I do? I terrorized trick-or-treaters with loud noises from inside my house and cackled as they noped out. That's about the only thing I did other than stare at my phone to get my mind off of my parent potentially dying.
Boy oh boy did I get wasted on my phone. Twelve hours straight baby.
The surgery was followed by multiple days of recovery. Still not allowed in those areas, so my phone and I were alone for the next four-ish days.
Parent 2 visited me in person every now and then at least. Also texted and called me fairly often.
To this day, I'm still severely addicted to electronics due to the "overdose" back then.
___
PART 4
Parent 1 returned, but was
bedbound for close to two months. Did I mention that all their hair had fallen off due to chemotherapy? Damn, I liked their hair.
___
CURRENT
To sum up Parent 1's current health:
-
Unable to use one (non-dominant) arm. Needs help with basic tasks
-
Starving. Struggles to eat half a burger then calls it a lunch (has a cup of juice for breakfast and skips dinner)
- Makes me help
change their clothes. Though I technically consent to it, I still have to see them 100% naked. To be fair, we're the same sex but it's still very uncomfortable. I can't refuse to do it due to the reasons below.
As for their mental state. They've done a complete 180.
TL;DR: They went from a mature, emotionally gifted person to having the empathy and temperament of a toddler.
- Extremely passive-aggressive (Me: "I'm so sorry, I forgot!" Them: "Is that something you're proud of? Should I clap and cheer for you? Great job!")
- Often insults me first. They sometimes make fun of how I'm hard of hearing (my minor disability).
- Refuses to listen to me: constantly sighs loudly and stares into the opposite direction the moment I speak. Says it's because "they're just tired"
- Calls their behavior a personal quirk, and tells me to get used to it because that's how people behave in the real world
- No matter how much I apologize and sob-yell that it's my fault, parent ignores this and never lets me go during an argument unless they want to.
- When I clarify my boundaries, they don't follow them for more than two days.
- Forces me to give a long, formal apology every time in which I promise to never start another screaming match again. When it inevitably happens again, parent uses this to call me a liar.
Please know that I am never physically aggressive or go to drastic measures to prove my point. I usually comply with what my parent wants, in the end.
One of the worst things is, they're
always the victim. If an argument breaks out when we're cooking, they say that I'm "overreacting to chopping potatoes" and focuses on that instead of the fact that they deliberately provoked me.
When I point out their sighing, they become defensive and tell me to stop "policing their actions all the time and let [them] be".
They tell this to other people who are less aware and make me look insane. ("xx was crying about chopping potatoes again for some reason. Maybe we should stop them from cooking!")
Parent 1 never used to be like this. Never.
Still, my heart breaks to see my parent like this.
___
PARENT 2
Lately they've been patronizing to Parent 2 as well. We're both kinda in this together.
Parent 2 gives great advice. They have lots of life experience and tells me to be thankful that Parent 1 is still here. That giving up erases opportunities for recovery, and to find hope in the smallest things.
But that's about where the good stuff ends. They compare Parent 1's injuries to a missing leg: "
You'd feel upset if a parent hobbled over to you in the public. You might be embarrassed, tell them to stop coming up towards your friends. But weather through it and one day, you'll accept them."
I'm doubtful. A missing leg doesn't scream at me or calls me a liar. I try to point out the difference between the physical vs psychological changes, but Parent 2 kind of glosses over that.
And what about the time between today and that "one day" where I accept Parent 1?? I'm facing verbal attacks nearly every other day, sometimes several times a day.
Especially when Parent 2 isn't around to give Parent 1 a pep talk about their actions.
CLARIFYING SITUATIONS
- Neither of my parents believe in therapy. They think it's only valid for schizophrenics or war veterans, and call the rest of the people weak for being unable to solve their own problems. They would punish me for trying to connect with a therapist or counselor. I'm not one for secret operations, so I'm very concerned about trying to do it covertly either.
- If I try framing a meeting as "academic stress", Parent 2 would stop me as they always give legitimately good advice as they're a prolific research scientist lol.
- I don't have any best friends or any deep friendships that'll allow me to share this with a peer. Heck, I'm the one who always acts as the therapist.
- Hotlines aren't a substitute for long-term help.
- Aside from teachers, I don't have any other trusted adults. No family friends, religious leaders, coaches, etc.
- I'm an A+ student, but my grades are slipping rapidly. I'm sleeping much more- even at school. Awful thoughts constantly invade my mind. I'm showing depressive symptoms.
- I already keep a journal and voice recordings of arguments, create music to express my feelings, take deep breaths, go out for a walk, everything in the book.
I don't know how to end this. Take this as a vent, but I do need help in how to go about things right now. Sorry for being vague, but it's just so much for me.
I've learned recently to give up trying to make a brain-damaged person understand something they can't, but I'd be damned if rawdogging through their insults and abuse(?) is the only other option.