TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
alonealways Offline
^.^
Junior TeenHelper
****
 
alonealways's Avatar
 
Name: Jessica
Gender: Female
Location: Texas

Posts: 230
Blog Entries: 1
Join Date: August 19th 2009

Cousin Grieving and I'm unsure how to help.. - January 3rd 2010, 06:41 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of death or grieving, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I'm really really not sure this is in the right section but my cousin recently experienced a death in the family (unrelated to me..) and I want to help him so bad but distance prevents me from physically being there for him and due to money issues/travel issues/ time issues/ and all that.. I can't go visit him to be there for him.

He's not acting like himself though and I want to help him but I have no idea what to say to him and everytime I do say something that I think will help he just says "thanks" or "haha thanks" and I'm not quite sure it's helping. If he keeps saying that do I let it drop? I tried to go onto another conversation but he didn't want to and at first he didn't want to talk about it at all but he opened up a little. Plus if this conversation ends.. and I go to talk to him another time, can I ask how he's doing without bringing him up or should I just start a normal conversation or I'm so confused and in so much pain for him. He was really close to his grandfather and he saw the body and he thought the body was going to be covered..

What do I say? I feel so miserable. I told him he could call me or text me or whatever and he said thanks but I still feel so bad..
I don't know what to do.. the only thing I can do is sit here and try to help him and be there for him right?? That feels so incredibly wrong!! Please help..



   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Jen Offline
Dance in the rain
I've been here a while
********
 
Jen's Avatar
 
Name: Jen
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Location: Massachusetts

Posts: 1,482
Blog Entries: 4
Join Date: March 28th 2009

Re: Cousin Grieving and I'm unsure how to help.. - January 4th 2010, 01:12 AM

Hey,

I'm sure it's so hard sitting by while he is grieving so much. Unfortunately, it IS like you said--to an extent, you need to sit there and wait until he's ready. Grief isn't uniform and it can take many different pathways and avenues. Sometimes a person might want to talk, other times they don't. They might cry, or they might laugh. It's very unpredictable. So the most important thing is that he knows you're there for him--which, thanks to your wonderful caring self, he does know. And it can't hurt to remind him of that periodically, but other than that, follow his lead. If he's joking around, go with it. If he isn't talking about it, don't push it. When he is ready, he'll know you're there. And in the meantime, you're doing the best thing for him.

Remember to take care of yourself, too! If this is affecting you a lot, don't hesitate to reach out to someone.

<3




"Do not ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

“if nothing changed, there’d be no butterflies”

  Send a message via MSN to Jen  
1 user(s) liked this post or found it helpful.
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Jacksonian Offline
Member
I've been here a while
********
 
Jacksonian's Avatar
 
Name: Jackson
Gender: Male
Location: 3rd Rock from the Sun

Posts: 1,522
Blog Entries: 2
Join Date: November 6th 2009

Re: Cousin Grieving and I'm unsure how to help.. - January 6th 2010, 08:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jen View Post
Hey,

I'm sure it's so hard sitting by while he is grieving so much. Unfortunately, it IS like you said--to an extent, you need to sit there and wait until he's ready. Grief isn't uniform and it can take many different pathways and avenues. Sometimes a person might want to talk, other times they don't. They might cry, or they might laugh. It's very unpredictable. So the most important thing is that he knows you're there for him--which, thanks to your wonderful caring self, he does know. And it can't hurt to remind him of that periodically, but other than that, follow his lead. If he's joking around, go with it. If he isn't talking about it, don't push it. When he is ready, he'll know you're there. And in the meantime, you're doing the best thing for him.

Remember to take care of yourself, too! If this is affecting you a lot, don't hesitate to reach out to someone.

<3
What needed to be said has been said by Jen and it has been said well. But be strong young one.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
alonealways Offline
^.^
Junior TeenHelper
****
 
alonealways's Avatar
 
Name: Jessica
Gender: Female
Location: Texas

Posts: 230
Blog Entries: 1
Join Date: August 19th 2009

Re: Cousin Grieving and I'm unsure how to help.. - January 7th 2010, 12:27 AM

Thank you both for the advice, he is doing pretty good.. hangin' in there. I still feel so bad for him.



   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
cousin, grieving, unsure

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright ©1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.