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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Finch Offline
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Unhappy 'Friends' make me feel lonely? (long, sorry) - June 2nd 2011, 05:41 PM

I'll try and make it as short as possible
One girl lets call her X, and another girl Y are both my friends. I wouldn't consider either my best friends but they are in my circle of friends that I go out with and stuff. Now they are both fine towards me and I can talk to them easily when they are apart, but when they are together they really bug me. Girl Y had a fringe (bangs) and swept them to the side. At this point I also had a fringe. A couple of months on I wanted to grow mine to the side so I started to do so. Girl Y started saying behind my back to everyone that I was copying off her, partly also because we have the same music taste. I didn't know she was saying this. Then she got some Doc Martens for christmas, and a bit after i made my facebook status "I want some Docs", not because I was copying off her, but it didn't help the situation and convinced her more that I was. Then girl X caught onto the fact that I 'copied' girl Y, and sided with her. I found out because me and girl X were doing this after school thing and we were going away somewhere. I only do this thing because she asked me too and I was being a friend to her. We were sat together on the bus and she mentioned that she and girl Y were thinking about getting tickets to a band I like, so I asked if I could go with them. She then texted girl Y "I stupidly mentioned seeing the band to XY, now she wants to come". Girl Y replied "Whatta retard." I said to girl X "whos a retard" and she said "oh..I dunno. Our RE teacher I think." She didn't know I'd seen her text. I now know that they call me XY (like a mixture of their two names because I copy both of them apparently), they don't want me with them, and that they ***** about me behind my back. I know they do when I'm not there around other people too because a close friend of mine told me when I asked him.
Other things that have happened with these two are things such as when I got asked to prom before girl Y she made a status saying "I hate it when a he-she gets asked to prom before me", girl X doing impressions of me with my glasses on to make girl Y laugh which offends me because they're laughing at me bbasically them calling me a liar when I said I'd seen a video and Girl X saying to me when Y was there "You take this photo, we don't want you in it" when there were loads of people out one time.
They make me feel really friendless and llonelysometimes. They still invite me to parties they have and stuff though. I can't tell if they're joking (the mean status was when I'd fallen out with girl X over something bbi gso I let it go) or not. My friend was in a similar situation with the same two girls but not as much as me. such as they still laughed at her and called her names and stuff but not to the extent they do me.
I want to say something next time they do something that hurts me, but they'll just gang up against me and then probably ***** about me later which I don't want, then mock me some more. Right now I just laugh at myself when they do bebecause think if I show them it hurts me they might do it more. And like I said, they're both good friends to me when they are apart.
How can I stand up to them without getting laughed at more. I think part of the reason they do it is because they know I won't fight back. And I don't want to laugh at them or anyone else to impress them because I don't want to make someone else feel like I do. They are more popular than me so I think that if they fall out with me they'll manipulate others to as well and turn others in my class against me. However, I can't tell if ththey reoking or not when they do it because they have that sort of humor when ththey'reogether. My really close friends are not in any of my classes. I feel really low, don't know what to do with the situation and wanted to get it out there.
Thanks so much to anyone who read all that x
   
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Re: 'Friends' make me feel lonely? (long, sorry) - June 2nd 2011, 07:07 PM

I didn't even have to finish reading this, it is apparent these girls don't want you around you are just there to them and they are more than likely jelious of you, and you need to move on to better friends and they are mocking you if you haven't noticed that either. You need new friends and I think you deserve better


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: 'Friends' make me feel lonely? (long, sorry) - June 3rd 2011, 05:01 PM

These girls don't expect you to stand up for yourself. They believe they can walk all over you. Prove them wrong. Since they're so "nice" when they're alone with you, why not confront them then? Say that you really enjoy your friendship with them, but the constant ridiculing is bothering you. Having similar interests as your friends, and wanting to participate in the same activities as your friends (whether it's going to the same concert or buying a pair of shoes) is something your friends ought to be flattered about. "Copying" is a sign of admiration. (Okay, let's face it... no matter how you phrase it, these girls are still going to believe you're copying them... so rather than denying it, why not spin it in a way that makes "copying" seem like a good thing?)

If these girls are going to keep treating you like trash, then stop hanging out with them. You have other friends who don't treat you this way... why not spend more time around them and get to know them better? Your friendships will eventually become stronger, if you're willing to put time and effort into them. If you put even 10% of the time and effort into new friendships as you do into these so-called "friendships" with these so-called "friends", then I guarantee you'll be MUCH happier with your social life. And if these so-called "friends" talk about you behind your back and try to manipulate people... so what? "The people who matter don't mind, and the people who mind don't matter." Basically, the people who would believe rumors about you aren't worth associating with in the first place, as they are fickle and small-minded people. The ones who take the time to get to know you, however, won't buy into those rumors.






   
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Re: 'Friends' make me feel lonely? (long, sorry) - June 3rd 2011, 11:02 PM

Wow , the amount of times this has happened with my friend..

Clearly, when they're together they know they can walk all over you, so as its been said prove them wrong. What really pisses me off is when im angry and shouting - and the other person just laughs.
However, they're obviously not as tough and big as they think as when their apart they're fine.
There not real friends, tell them where to go. I sense that you don't want to do that go, maybe im wrong i just get the feeling from your post.
Honestly, I would tell them tofuck off, and give them a nice long speech about how they're immature etc etc!


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Re: 'Friends' make me feel lonely? (long, sorry) - June 4th 2011, 01:39 AM

Honestly? I don't think these girls sound like very good friends. While they may be good alone, they don't sound nice together. They sound like they mock you a lot, and that they might not exactly like you. But you don't HAVE to be their friend. I think you should make new friends, because these people just sound mean and rude.

By the sounds of it, you obviously haven't done anything wrong, it's just that these girls are just personality changing. What I suggest is to just stop talking to them. Get some new friends or people to talk to, and if one of those girls wants to talk to you individually, then try and avoid it. While she may seem all apologetic when she is alone, remember what she'll be like when she's with the other girl.

I've been in the same situation, but it was a little different (In my situation, I had boy X, girl Y, and girl Z. Box X would be very nice to me when girls Y and Z weren't around, but when they were around, he would make fun of me to impress them. Needless to say, I have not talked to Boy X since I noticed that he was doing this)

I hope you find some friends worthy of your friendship
~Stella
   
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Re: 'Friends' make me feel lonely? (long, sorry) - June 4th 2011, 03:12 AM

Honestly, take a step back and look at the situation. I hate to break it to you, but it seems kind of obvious that these girls are no longer interested in being your friends. Try talking to some of the people in your class, let them know what you are like and not what X and Y say you are. Getting to know them may lead to a better friendship, which would build fast because you see each other more often.
About X and Y, I can understand why you wouldn't want to do this, and I'm not saying to drop them like a hot brick, but I would advise you to find some other people to call friends.


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Re: 'Friends' make me feel lonely? (long, sorry) - June 4th 2011, 10:23 PM

Thank you so much for all your support and replies, it means a lot These girls arn't the people I hang aroung with (like just me and them) out of school, but I'm in nearly every one of their classes so I can't get away from them completley. And my best friends (my true best friends) are good friends with them and I sit with girl Y at lunch at school with my true friends and go out after school with my true friends and girl X (and occasionally girl Y comes along too). So I can't just get away from them due to this, and I don't want to break up friendships and cause a fight and make people takes 'sides'. Much gratitude to anyone who replies x
   
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