Triggering (Bullying): I was bullied and can't get over it

[Thatgirl906]

Hi I'm new here but I wanted advice so yea. I'm 16 and last year I was a freshmen at a private catholic high school. I am extremely shy and never really thought I was pretty although I've been told I am I still don't. So a guy called me pretty and told me everything I wanted to hear. I was stupid and did a lot of sexual stuff with him. I told my so called best friend the next day and next thing I knew that night my friend face timed me after people found out and said everyone was pressuring her not to be my friend and she didn't like the drama around me. I had no friends for quite awhile. I cried so much that night but put on a brave face to go to school the next day thinking how bad could it be. So many people knew because of the small school. At lunch I sat outside a building and are playing on my iPad and this group of guys would go by saying terrible things about me. The teasing would go on and eventually I made friends and had an ok year and thought when I came back after summer things would be good. This year started and it was good in the beginning cuz the guy wasn't there and lots of people left but I didn't have lunch with anyone I knew so I saT alone and studied. While walking to class with a friend one day she told me when I was absent the teacher was like oh she's absent and everyone laughed. Then I made a friend sometime after a couple weeks. Thought it was good until she texted me one night saying her parents found out what I did and I couldn't talk to her anymore. I was fed up. Cried myself to sleep that night. The next morning my mom asked about her and I said we weren't friends anymore she asked why and I broke out crying and telling her everything. She was so disappointed in me and the bullying. We tried stuff and bullying continued so I left. The point is my mom and dad think I'm fine with it all but weeks after I left school I kept dreaming about the people who stopped being my friends because of it and the school and I keep thinking what if I didn't do that things would be better. It makes me so sad. And I didn't tell my mom everything I actually had sex with the guy. But since we are Catholic and they are strict I didn't tell them that but tonight I hugged my mom and she said "please don't break my heart and ever lose your virginity before marriage. Don't lose anymore purity" she made me promise I wouldn't and I did and that hurt me to lie to her. Idk what to do anymore I feel like I've ruined all relationships and I'm such a b!tch.

[David Armes]

Hi and welcome to TeenHelp. I think that you shouldn't tell your mom as that could end badly for you. You have done nothing wrong, it wasn't your fault that your best friend did that to you. Now you have moved on from that school so that you don't think about it. You will make new friends that will trust you because your old friend is not a friend.

I will sent you a friend request and if you ever need to speak to me about anything you just need to ask.

Take care and remember you have done nothing wrong

[Green Yoshi]

hello

I get the feeling that what you need to do is to forgive yourself. What happens in the past, stays in the past. There's no such as thing as you being a bitch. You were just young and curious.. i don't think there's anything wrong with that. The friend who betrayed you and did bad things to you shouldn't even be called your friends. You deserve better than to feel this way. There's no point overthinking things like this .. you're better than you think you are, and many parents themselves lose their virginity before they hit 18/ or before marriage.

What i want you to do now is maybe transfer to a new school, or get into a new environment where people won't really treat you so badly. The fact that they're so judgmental , so hurtful is something to really ponder about. They just want to have a go at you because you're nice, sweet and caring and they can't be like that. That is why they make you feel bad about yourself.

Forget about the mistakes you made... others will be more loyal and better at keeping secrets. This friend of yours was just immature and didn't know how to help you keep secrets. You deserve better friends and you deserve to be treated better.

I suggest maybe moving to another environment that will allow you to make new friends.. but i also think that the truly caring and nice around you will understand you and help you overcome your emotional turmoil . But forgive yourself.... you're better than you think you are, and everyone has made mistakes. The key is to learn from them and remember that mistakes are what makes you a better person

I want to hear updates about your situation. I also want you to know that i'll always be here for you to talk and rant to... We will never abandon you. We'll always be around!