help I can't educated

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]I'm in a difficult situation that will and does effect my life, but a lot of things happening to people on this website is completely tragic which makes me feel worthless here. And i just can't find a place for me on this website so I will post here.

I'm currently 13 and my life isn't specifically good. Let me start from the beginning.
I was born in 2009 in the northeastern usa. When I was born my mother and father were living in an apartment with two other sons (I'm a boy) who were in public school. My mother had her other two sons with a man who she never married and who may have abused her in some ways and "acted like and did bad things with other hooligans" according to my mother. So I'm child number three and first with the new father. After I turned one years old we moved into a house and in 2011 my family established a sort of daycare school business we ran out of our house and we had many farm animals such as two horses, a pig, and chickens we educated children ages 3-11 with. I was homeschooled at the time in my house but when I entered kindergarten I started public school. In 2012 my mother and father had a second baby boy who is the second son of my current father. I had a generally positive relationship with my family and other kids at this time, and I knew a lot of things other kids didn't and people thought I was smart. When I was six years old I was diagnosed with Lyme disease and later tourette syndrome. In 2016 or 2017 I remember our house was being visited by some man who appeared to be some sort of investigator.
He was visiting us for almost a year everyday asking questions. He was very nice to our family the whole time, but my mother complained to the people he worked for asking why he was visiting for so so long. This got him in trouble so in order to protect his job, he falsely accused my parents of child abuse or something towards me, my siblings, and the students. This got our business shut down permanently and thrusted us into poverty. The only money we had was my fathers monthly military service money. We still had farm animals and were at times accused of animal abuse because we could hardly afford to feed them. Around and even a little before the business shut down, my father started to throw abusive rages towards my mother (they fought a lot) which consisted mostly of very loud yelling but were often violent towards my mother but he never hurt me and my siblings. My young brother never went to public school and my mother failed to educate him due to poverty and abuse. The house was starting to fall into slight disrepair due to neglect and became unsanitary over time and got a little water damaged. We didn't have a good managing system for the farm animals so they became unsanitary and uncared for mostly but they still got food and water. So we're going through some hard times at this point but I struggled in second grade too. My tourette's literally caused wounds on different parts of my body, and I was struggling with focusing issues and a little anxiety from my parents fighting. My thoughts were getting side tracked during classes and my muscles were always physically tense and spasming from tourettes so much I told my mother "school was so difficult and I didn't want to go anymore". This was the worst mistake of my life. My mother made me drop out illegally and promised to homeschool but never had the time to, which caused me and my brother to be educationally neglected. I didn't really care though. I didn't even know not going to school was illegal. Things get worse. I'm sometimes caught in the cross fire between my fighting parents who can't get a divorce because me and my younger brother will have to be investigated, which I guess means we would be taken. After I learned that I got constantly stressed about everything going on in my life. Now off to the side of all this 10-11 year old me gets curious about what sex means so I do my research. But instead of doing research I learn to masturbate. To porn. When I learned this all I ever did was masturbate to porn all day. My mom wouldn't educate me so what else did I know to do. I didn't even read. When I turned 12 I started to get concerned about this whole porn thing. My parents never knew and I didn't want them to. At 11 and 12 I spent hours browsing forums and articles related to porn addiction and sexual health and relationships in secret because it fascinated. But it also helped me fall victim to the negative aspects of porn addiction early on. My life from 11-13 consists mostly of researching about everything I can get my hands on online including reproduction, history, and other things for hours and hours. When I turned 13 I tried to battle my addiction and suffered from painful injuries edit and memory loss. I do fine with reading but I hardly know anymore math than 1+1. I've also learned programming, and other languages. All I do is consume porn all day while also trying to fight it with my longest time without porn being 2 days. My parents don't know and only fight all day and at some times I've hated women due to my fathers behavior but I snapped myself out of it. My mother still fails to educate me and an investigator is showing up this thursday and I could possibly get taken away. The past few months have been especially violent and I'm suffering from so much trauma and showing symptoms of ptsd from this abuse. I've considered suicide for about a year and almost did it once or twice. I have also almost considered murder because of so much trauma. All I hear all day is crying and screaming.[/size][/color][/font]

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

Hello, thank you so much for coming onto Teenhelp and telling us about what you have been going through and I am so sorry that you are having a hard time with this and I hope that you will be okay soon. Would you be able to see about someone helping you out so that you can go to school or see about getting the homework and doing this at home. Try calling a school and see if they would be able to help you out with this. They may have a way to help you so that you can go to school. When you are having a hard time, try to find something to help you to get your mind off of this for a while, going for a walk or listening to music or calling a friend or drawing or painting or writing or something else that you enjoy doing and hopefully this can help pick you up. Also, you are more than welcome to come and join us and you can talk more about this or anything else that you are going through and we would be happy to help you out. I hope you are able to find someone to help you out and you will be okay soon.