Home, school, friends, boys leaves me here

[adviceplease1526]

I'm 13 a girl and i have been self harming for 3 months
i kept it to myself at first because i was to embarrassed and ashamed to tell people. I started self harming up my wrists then i started doing it all up the side of my stomach and now i have been doing it on my legs. I started because i was struggling and was extremely stressed at school and was in a lot of trouble. My parents where also arguing and fighting sometimes at 3 in the morning. My friend found out and the amount of times i promised her i wouldn't do it but it got so addictive. i was crying every night and was feeling extremely depressed. reasently i have stoped doing it on my wrist so people think i have stoped but its on my legs and tummy now. I had a boy friend who used me and preassued me into doing things i didnt want to. Parents say horrible things to me sometimes and im doing it by self again and cutting is the only way i can cope. help and advice please.

[Ennui.]

Hi there,

I'm really sorry to hear that you are going through all of this. Know that you don't deserve it.

First of all, is there anyone you can talk to about this? For example, if your parents are out of the question, you can talk to a teacher, guidance counselor, school nurse, doctor, club adviser or coach, other family member, or other adult you trust. I know you also promised your friend you wouldn't do it anymore, but you can let her know about just how addictive self harming really is and that you do need support. The people I mentioned can help because they allow you to get things off your chest, can help you cope in different ways, and even solve some of the problems.

I think that you should also find some ways to deal with the stress you are going through at school. For example, if you are having a hard time with some of your classes, you can ask the teachers for help. You can even carry a stress ball with you to squeeze, or take a deep breath and remind yourself that it will all be over soon.

You can also join some clubs, sports teams, or social groups after school so you can stay out of the house for a bit, as well as release some stress and have fun.

You can also try and be honest with your parents about how you feel about their arguing. Even though they may be upset with each other, they should not be taking it out on you. You can let them know that you hear them arguing a lot and it is upsetting you. Maybe you can suggest something like a family counselor so they can work out any issues in a better way. This is something else that you can talk to a trusted adult about and learn how to cope with.

Are you out of the situation with your boyfriend now? I really hope that you are. If you aren't, you should try and break it off as soon as possible and seek help, because you do NOT deserve to be abused or to be forced to do things you aren't ready to. If you are out of the situation, remind yourself that this is all in the past now and that he can't use you like this anymore. Thankfully, it's all over, and there will be people out there that wouldn't dream of doing that to you.

Write down or print out encouraging quotes and pictures as a reminder that you can do this. Write down anything you or your friends like about you as a reminder that you are more wonderful than you think and have better qualities than what some people say.

I'd also like to point out that self harm really isn't a good way to cope. You're right that it is addictive, though. In the end, though, self harm doesn't solve any of your problems so they just come back, but now you also have to add on the problems of hiding the injuries if you don't want people to know, as well as preventing infections. Instead, try and find healthier, safer ways to cope. This is a list of alternatives to self harm you can use. I find ones that allow me to express myself such as writing, art, or music to help because I am getting out pent up emotions. Exercise is also a great way to release stress. Or, be with people, either on the phone or in person, because it is hard to harm around other people.

Find ways to take care of yourself and have "me time" without worrying about other people. Take a warm bath or shower then curl up with a good book or movie, eat your favorite goodies, paint your nails, or use a nice smelling lotion, for example. You deserve it!

Keep your head held high, stay strong, and keep fighting. The fight will be worth it, and the bad won't last forever. You CAN do this.

-Dez

[FireHeart]

Ciao,
Trust me when I say that I know the feeling. I'm on the verge of relapsing myself, and I think that you are very strong for reaching out, even if it's just on this websight. I agree with Dez, she has some really good advice.
My advice would be to identify what need you're trying to satisfy when you cut, and looking for something else that can satisfy that need as well and trying it. I don't believe that there's one magic alternative, but a multitude of them that will work for us at different times.
I'm very sorry to hear about your past situation with your boyfriend and parents and I strongly advise you to talk about it with others if at all possible. I know that sometimes with abuse you literally cannot speak about it, even if you want to. I've been there before, but talking really does help. Is there anyone that you trust that you can talk to? Also, it could be really good for you to get out of your house as much as possible.
I hope that this helped and I wish you the best of luck on your journey. <3