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Questioning my sexuality and scared my parents will find out... - July 29th 2019, 08:21 PM

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""][FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]I'm in high school. Back at the beginning of summer break, my best friend came out to me as being bi-curious and talked me into experimenting with her. Both of us really enjoyed the experience and since then we've been friends-with-benefits. Part of the enjoyment definitely comes from not having to worry about getting pregnant. With another girl, you can just relax and have fun.

It's crazy. Before this, I was never into girls and considered myself straight as a board. Now I'm not sure what to think. Could this just be a phase? Or could I be bi? I'm still trying to work that out.

My main concern though is with my parents and hers. They're really conservative and extremely religious. I can only imagine how they'll react if they find out. We've been really careful. The last time we had sex was a week ago. I slept over at her place because her parents were out of town. I lied to my parents and told them they would be there. Thankfully, they didn't check in or anything.

I really don't want to break things off with my friend, but I can't help but wonder if that's the smart move here. I mean, how long can we keep this up before they find out or at least get suspicious? I don't know what to do. Any advice anyone?[/size][/color][/font][/size][/color][/font]
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Re: Questioning my sexuality and scared my parents will find out... - August 5th 2019, 10:57 AM

You mention that before your best friend came out as bi-curious, you considered yourself to be straight. I'm wondering if your best friend talking you into experimenting with her was as consensual as it might appear? Regardless of sexuality, no-one should pressure anyone into doing sexual things with another person. The fact that you say your best friend talked you into experimenting suggests that it might have been more about what your best friend wants and less about what you wanted (given that you had considered yourself to be straight up until then).

It makes sense that you would enjoy the friends-with-benefits and the sexual aspect of your friendship. And while it's true you don't have to worry about pregnancy, it's still good to make sure you are of the age of consent in your area and practice safe sex e.g. dental dams for oral sex.

Your friend aside, how do you feel about those of the same or a different gender to you? You can enjoy the physical feelings of your friends with benefits and yet realise that just because you enjoy those feelings, you may still find yourself attracted primarily to those of the opposite sex. Or you may find yourself attracted to the same sex, whether primarily or possibly identifying as bisexual. Take your time to think about this and remember that you don't necessarily need to put yourself into a box- some people find that their sexuality is fluid .

As for your parents, it's best that you and your friend discuss the situation. There is always the risk of either of your parents finding out and it could be worse when you have lied about it. Yet at the same time, you are right to consider how long you are going to keep the situation up before they find out or it ends etc. You'll also want to consider where this friends with benefits arrangement is heading. Most friends with benefits situations are casual and usually fill in the sexual gap when you aren't in a relationship. There is a risk, more so since you consider this person to be a best friend, that one of you could develop feelings for the other which may or may not be returned. You'll then have to navigate a potential relationship (in which case, the parents may get more suspicious if you haven't told them) or either remaining or ending the friends with benefits situation (and deciding whether or not to remain friends in doing so).

Being a teenager can definitely lead to a lot of new feelings and questions regarding sexuality and this is entirely normal and natural. Experimenting is fine so long as it's done safely and consensually.

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