i feel lonely.

[sassyforgaga]

hi. this is my first post so excuse me if i go on a rant. thanks.

i'm fourteen years old and i'm gay. i have never kissed a boy or even had a boyfriend before. so of course i feel lonely. my dad makes inappropriate gay jokes that hurt my feelings. my mom just kind of ignores the fact that i'm gay. i have a best friend named stephanie and she lets me vent about all these things. i think im ugly and that i will never find anybody out there that will love me. i'm skinny and i think i look really ugly.
i wanna have muscle and i'm gonna dye my hair dirty blonde soon. i feel insecure about my body and i really think that i'm ugly. i don't have suicidal thoughts and i dont cut myself. i bite myself sometimes when i'm angry or frustrated. i havent been doing it much. people call me "faggot" and other offensive names. i dont have to many close friends.
i also hate when people use the word "gay" in a derogatory way. but the main focus of this post is i feel lonely. i have never had my first kiss and never really had a guy that likes me. i have never heard anybody except my friends and my family say they love me.
i want someone who can make me feel like i'm important. everybody thinks i'm weird. they make fun of me becuase i am a stereotypical gay person. so please. i doubt that anybody will read this post but i posted it anyways. but for the caring people who did, thank you.

[Ennui.]

Hey there,

I really don't think you're weird at all, and I can understand where you are coming from. I have never dated anyone either, and although I am bisexual, I would prefer a girl. Sometimes those gay jokes that people make can really hurt, but have you ever heard the saying "those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind?" It's true. Those who care so much about your sexuality don't matter, but there will always be people out there that love you for who you are.

As for your appearance, I think people in general notice flaws that others wouldn't even see. The things that you may not like about yourself other people may not notice or actually really love about you. I doubt that you are ugly at all, and people should love you regardless of your looks anyway, right?

Does your school, or even your town (maybe Google it) have a GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) or similar program? You can join those to meet other LGBT+ people and their straight allies, and there you can make new friends, share your story, and even give and get advice. It may be worth it to look into joining one, because you certainly aren't alone.

Even though you haven't been in a relationship now, you do have plenty of time. I'm sure you've heard this before, but it's true. One day, maybe even when you least expect it, you will find a guy out there for you. For now, you can focus on other things. For instance, if you have a hobby you like do it. Focus on school. Or, you say you do have some close friends. Sometimes a small group of friends can be a really wonderful thing. You don't need a massive group. You can hang out with them and keep the bond strong.

As for the biting, while it may not be cutting, it is a form of self harm and can get really addicting and doesn't really help you cope with anything. I'll give you the link to the alternatives to self harm thread so you can use those as a coping method instead. They are safer and better for you. The list is here.

Have you ever considered talking to someone? I think you should. I know that it may be scary to open up to people about it, but maybe it can benefit you. For example, a school guidance counselor won't yell at you or judge you, but instead will give you ways to cope with everything that you are going on. A school nurse, doctor, or therapist would do the same, but if there are any other trusted adults in your life, reach out. You don't have to suffer in silence.

Remember that "everything will be okay in the end, so if it's not okay, it's not the end." Keep your head held high and stay strong, because you can get out of the dark and into the light. I know you can.

I wish you the very best!

[PrettyBoiSwag]

Hey dude I know how you feel because i feel the same way except im a ftm transgender who is straight i havent had a girlfriend either or had my first romantic kiss and i hate it because i also want a girlfriend and im a nice looking guy but i still get made fun of because of my situation so dont feel all down about it you will find someone.

[Everglow.]

Hey Michael,

I'm sorry you're feeling so alone right now, but I want to try and make you realise that it's okay not to have had a boyfriend or your first kiss yet. I'm 17. I'm a bisexual girl. I feel negatively about myself too. I haven't had a girlfriend or a boyfriend yet and I certainly haven't had my first kiss. At fourteen you're still very young and I know at your age I was thinking along the same lines as you. I saw my friends meeting people and getting to the stage in their teenage years where they were experimenting with boyfriends and girlfriends and kissing etc and I wanted that too. I felt ashamed to say that I'd never been with anyone and it really got me down. Now I'm 17, I look back on being that young and I know I wasn't ready for any of that then. I'm not saying you're not, but in a few years you might be happy you didn't rush it. Fourteen is an age where you're still developing both mentally and physically. You're still exploring your sexuality and puberty will be causing you to feel things you're not used to. Don't assume that because of this, you have to rush in to finding a boyfriend and having your first kiss. You have plenty of years to find that person who you want to share it with. I know the loneliness may be difficult to deal with, but perhaps you can find some friends to hang out with so that you can take your mind off of it. I'm aware that this isn't the same as having a boyfriend, but friends, even if you don't have too many, can provide excellent distractions. If not, maybe look into joining some clubs to make some new friends, or even look for LGBT societies in your area which you can join. That way you might meet someone as a friend or as more, but don't rush it. Let things happen naturally.

It annoys me too when people use the word 'gay' in an insulting way, or in a way which causes its meaning to seem negative. I try not to make a big deal out of it though. I see it like the word 'retard' now. It was once used for mental conditions but due to people taking the word and using its meaning against people, it's considered a bad thing to make fun of someone for. As long as you're not doing it, I Wouldn't take much notice of it. Don't be afraid to say something, though. IF you want to, say something about how it's not nice to refer to something as gay when in fact, gay can mean both happy and homosexual, neither of which have negative connotations at all. Also, when the word 'faggot' is used, don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. My brother recently started using that word and I find it disgusting to say the least. I told him that if I head him saying it again I'll be letting my parents know so they can do something about it. He's about your age and I think he says it because his friends do, so he picked up on it and used it. He doesn't necessarily mean it to be 'you homosexual' since I know he doesn't see an issue with homosexuality due to it being in the family, but as the word gay has, it's used to mean a general negative thing now. Unfortunate, but true. Don't be afraid to tell people what you think of it.

The way you see yourself is a huge thing, especially when you're looking for partners. I know you say you want to change things, such as your hair colour, but you are fine the way you are, honestly. The word 'ugly' is a social construct. It's such an ambigious word with no real specified meaning to it, so what one person may see as ugly, another may see as beautiful. If you want to change your hair, go ahead, but it doesn't change what's on the inside, and in a relationship your personaility and heart are very important. At your age, I will admit a lot of people are going to be in to looks. I know I was and a lot of my friends were. But as you get older, you start to love the person behind the looks. The person who they are rather than what they look like. So it's all well and good trying to change what you look like, but beauty is more than that. You're perfectly good enough and I can say that without even having to see you.

Finally, I want you to know that you're not weird. You're you, you're different, but you're not weird. So you might act a bit differently to someone else, it doesn't make you abnormal for it. People will always judge you, but getting past that is key. Be who you are, don't feel like you need to act certain way for people. If things are said, you're within your rights to stand up for yourself or to tell someone who can stop the name calling from happening. At the end of the day, you should be able to live your life happily without being stereotyped as a 'typical gay person' or 'weird'. Being gay is okay. It's fine. It's accepted by the majority of society and those that don't accept it, ignore them. If they make jokes, ignore them. They're not worth listening to if they'll only upset you.

Keep your head held high. You have nothing to be ashamed of at all.
Take care,
Hollie.