Mix of Finance and Other Vent

[Ballsack]

College has been treating me well so far. The people there are lovely and even if they're actually assholes well at least they keep it to themselves. I really like the subjects and I think some lecturers acknowledge how good I am at their subject. But that makes me even more depressed when I think of paying off my college stuff. Good news is that my dad thankfully have some money saved up that he could use to pay for my college funds and my brother's school, plus he's gonna try to launch a business so that's cool. But the money could only be taken around two days after the due date of when I'm supposed to pay my college fund. I could ask my university to let me pay later, but it'd be a very long and difficult process. And I'm sure my dad will be able to make good quality stuff, but I'm not sure if others will be interested in what he's selling. I think I'm gonna help with some marketing stuff but it never really succeeded for me so I kinda doubt that it will succeed for my dad...

And another thing, I got really depressed whenever I have to use the money I saved up for college funds to pay for food, rightfully so because how the hell does my dad expect me to be able to feed my mom and my brother with so little money??? Now that he's here well I don't need to do that cause he cooks and he's much better at stocking up food. But that also means that I'm not getting any allowance because if there's food at home then there's no need to buy food outside. And I can't even say that I need the money because I'm going to be hanging out because I'm not hanging out with anyone. I do have friends but they're not the type to go out and going out alone is fine but I get bored so easily I'd rather stay home.

And not having much allowance is fine as long as I still get allowance for my daily transport (bus), but I recently realized that what if I'm the poorest person in my major? English literature (at least in my country) have a stereotype of having rich, smart, and cool people. I didn't really feel bothered by not being rich, but when my friend told me that she wanted to go to a concert so she just took some money from her monthly allowance to go there it gave me a whiplash. Because that concert ticket isn't cheap, and if she can still have extra money after buying the tickets then how much allowance does she get? And I see people in my major loves to hang out at cafes and in here cafes are for rich young adults, and sure I don't really like going to a Cafe because I think most of the desserts and drinks there sucks but it's the prestige of being able to afford going to a Cafe and waste money at mediocre food and drinks that makes you cool.

This is honestly just superficial things that won't matter in the long run. And I'm not even someone who enjoys spending money to begin with. But it still bugs me when I realized I don't really act like the others. I don't like concerts because I like privacy when I enjoy music, I don't like cafes because I find the stuff there way too expensive for such mediocre food, I only wear make up because that's what's expected of me so I buy the cheapest good stuff I could get my hands on, and I don't like taking pictures because I don't like disturbing the moment I'm in. I feel like I'm a party pooper. I haven't even drink. Like yeah I'm not of drinking age but the others are a year or two younger than me and they're already drinking. Some are going to the clubs. But clubs are expensive and I don't want to use what little I have for that. And I don't smoke either. I'm like too square for the cool kids and too strange for the squares.