What is consent?

[TeenHelp]

What is consent?
By Cassie (Calico.) and Nicole (eumoirous)

Consent is the voluntary agreement of all involved parties to engage in sexual activity. It should be assumed that one has not given consent unless there is a clear agreement prior to engaging in any sexual activity. It is preferred for consent to be a verbal agreement; however, it can be written as well. Consent should be clear at each stage of the activity, and the ability to say "no" should be respected by both partners at all times. Engaging in sexual activity without consent is considered rape or sexual assault.

Consent can be gained by asking questions such as: "Are you comfortable?" or "Are you okay with going further?" It is better to ask these questions than to expect your partner to give consent at every step of the way. This is a way to ensure you are having consensual sexual encounters.

Moreover, consent is a process. It is very important to gain consent whenever one wishes to move to the next step of intimacy. Being allowed to kiss somebody does not also consent to being able to touch them. To ensure both people are comfortable and agreeing to go further, attaining consent is crucial.

Only when a person is sober and able to make good judgement are they able to fully consent.

Consent is also respecting when a person does not want to consent. If a person says "no," does not respond, or has body language that shows the intimacy is unwanted, their wishes should be respected with no pressures.

Lastly, consent is not gender specific. Girls should not be expected to always discuss consenting first, both males and females can bring it up and must consent before engaging in sexual activities.

What is not consent:

The absence of any agreement to engage in sexual activity is not consent.

It is impossible to tell whether or not someone wants to engage in sexual activity based on their physical appearance or their use of body language.

Previous relations do not count as consent. One can consent on one occasion but not the other. It should not be automatically assumed that one wants to engage in sexual activity because they have done so in the past. Similarly, one can consent for one activity but not another. Consent may be given for fondling but not sexual intercourse, for instance.

Relationships don't automatically amount to consent. Consent cannot be assumed in dating or even in marriage. Marital rape does exist and it can be just as damaging as any other assault.

Silence or lack of response is not consent. Silence may indicate that one is uninterested in engaging in sexual activity. Similarly, the absence of "no" isn't consent. The absence of a "no" doesn't always mean "yes". One may actually feel threatened, pressured, or unable to say "no". In some cases, attempting to resist can be extremely dangerous or even life threatening.

Consent cannot be given if one is under the influence of drugs or alcohol. By law, one cannot consent while under the influence, even if they are interested in engaging in sexual activity.

Lastly, if someone gives consent, then later changes their mind, they are no longer consenting. This means it is important to ask for consent right before engaging in any sexual activity to ensure all parties still feel comfortable.