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Getting back together
by TeenHelp May 3rd 2015, 11:52 AM

Getting back together
By Nicole (eumoirous)

No matter how long you were with your partner before the breakup, going your separate ways will always be tough. Itís very natural to miss each other, especially at first, however sometimes things change and it may seem like giving things a second chance is reasonable. Getting back together with an ex is a very delicate process, and itís a decision that should not be taken lightly. There are many things you should consider before you and your ex decide to get back together.

First, make sure your heart is not ruling your head. Right after a breakup, itís normal to feel a sense of regret and wonder if you made the right decision. Despite this, try and give it a few weeks and see how you feel then. Having time apart and time to yourself to reflect and grow will allow you to look at your relationship from another perspective, and you might find you did make the right decision after all. Therefore, there is nothing wrong with taking things really slow if you decide you do want to get back together. After time apart, it is beneficial to slowly ease yourselves back into each otherís lives. Eve if you were very close before the breakup, itís likely that things will be a little different the second time around. If you jump back into it expecting things to be just like they were where you left off, youíll likely be disappointed. It is also important to note that if any abuse was present in your relationship, you should not get back together. It is likely that whoever perpetrated the abuse will do it again. This is because their abusive actions are a choice and they aren't likely to change when it becomes routine.
Furthermore, if you decide to get back together, it should be because you both made that decision. If you had to beg your ex to agree in any way, it probably wonít work out if you try things again because they do not fully want to. Unless you both want to try and make things work and both agree to put in the effort, you wonít be any happier together as you are single. It has to be a mutual decision. If someone wants to be with you, they wonít need to be begged or persuaded.

Additionally, you should both take some time to identify what the problem was that caused you to break up in the first place. It could even be the case that multiple problems were present. It could be that you both had trouble communicating, one of you became distant emotionally, or even a problem due to long distance. Whatever the problem was that put a strain on your relationship, you need to make sure that the problem has a resolution before you attempt to date again. Otherwise, that same problem will surface again and things probably wonít work out any better than they did when you were together the first time.

Moreover, it is a good idea to sit down together and write out a list of the things you can work on. Identifying a problem that you had in the relationship is important, but making clear expectations of how things will go when you get back together will allow you to both be on the same page. If you both find you no longer want the same thing, it may be best to not get back together and to find other people who have the same expectations. For example, if you write down that you want your significant other to put aside more time to spend with you, but they recently got promoted in their job and would rather spend more time at work developing their career, it shows you donít want the same thing and problems will likely occur. After a relationship ends, itís very likely that you have both changed and thus communicating about what you are looking for in the present is very crucial.

Getting back together with an ex is a decision that should not be made on a whim. Unless the timing is right and it feels like the right thing to do for the both of you, you should not get back together. Remember that if things donít work out and you donít end up getting back together with an ex, it only means you have the opportunity to try being with somebody else, or focus on what is important to you. Relationships take work, but it shouldn't be draining or make you unhappy. If this is the case, it may be best to let the relationship go and not try and salvage it. Only get back together with your ex if it will improve your quality of life over being single.
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