Dad won't accept me as Trans

[ShotaPrince]

I came out to my dad 2 months ago. It was a very serious conversation, including 2 hours of me crying. After I finally stopped crying to tell him the truth, he looked really shocked, like he was thinking really really hard and finally managed to say "...well... God loves everyone..." We are not a religious family, and he has never mentioned God in front of me before. I know that he still practices religion, but it never influenced his opinions about people. That's when i realized he was more comfortable with my twelve year old brother smoking weed than with me being a boy He refuses to talk about hormone therapy for me, even though it will be a HUGE part of my transitioning, he is always suspicious of my purchases online after buying a chest binder, he gets weirded out by me buying male clothing. Even worse, I'm actually passing as a boy now and he keeps introducing me as his daughter even though it clearly makes me uncomfortable. He won't stop calling me "she" he says things like "you girls" and "because you're a woman" even though I AM CLEARLY NOT A WOMAN ANYMORE! I've been obsessing over my gender identity for over two years now and my own father refuses to accept me as male. I've been shot down on hormone therapy and buying binders already, so I'm very scared of talking to him about it and I think that my gender identity is forcing us apart. I think that it would be so easy to make the transition. I have a brother who is nearly identical to me (but younger and shorter) with the same haircut, similar build, and feminine voice who no longer lives with my dad because of custody issues, so it would be super easy to pass me off as him. He could avoid using "he" and just use "they" or replace any pronouns with my name, but I wouldn't know how to go around asking him that. What do I do??

[Ennui.]

Hey there,

Now that you have given him time to process what is going on, maybe you can catch him on a day when he is in a relatively good mood. Let him know that you understand how hard it must be on him to know that you are transgender and that this is something that takes time to get used to. But, also let him know that you feel hurt that he is refusing to even try to make any effort to start calling you by different pronouns and accept you. You can let him know that you would even accept "they" or your name. You can bring a friend or someone else who accepts you for support but I'd recommend doing it on a day when he's in a relatively good mood. Another option is speaking to a guidance counselor at school who can meet with your dad and you. Or, if you'd rather, you can write this down in a letter that you give to him. It's worth a try to at least talk to him but if he doesn't accept you, don't let him totally ruin your moods and who you are. Eventually when you're old enough you'll be able to transition no matter what.

Maybe for now you can join a gay-straight alliance or similar program so you can get support from others in the LGBT+ community and their straight alliances where you know you will be accepted, or start getting the support of people such as a guidance counselor who won't yell at you or judge you.

In the future don't let your father's reaction stop you from transitioning if this is what you would feel comfortable doing. Don't deny yourself of your happiness for anyone who won't accept you for who you are. Prove them wrong and let them know that this is who you are and nothing is going to change that. You're still the amazing person you were before, and there will always be people out there who will accept you for who you are. For now, dress the way you want, act the way you want, and speak the way you want. You deserve it!

Keep your head held high and stay strong, you're perfect!

-Dez

[jeepsndogs]

Hey there,

Doesn't sound like an easy situation you are in. First off, give your dad some time to accept it. Its not always easy on a parent, especially if he feels like he is loosing his only daughter. I know that is not how we see it, but its how he may see it. And you simply don't want to pass as your brother, you want to be you, not a copy of someone else. Remember that most importantly.

As for gender hormones, that is a much longer process that one thinks. Have you looked into it? Until the new DSM is released, you have to be able to pass and go through almost 2 years of therapy before you can receive T legally, Yes, you can always go illegally, but just keep that in mind. When will the new DSM be released? I'm unsure at this point, and really everyone is.

But give him the time he needs. Everyone takes different times and I'm sure he will come around sooner than later. Keep us updated in what happens.

Chase