Not feeling like "me"

[PlutoTheOpposum]

Let's just cut to the chase; I think I may be androgynous. I feel connected to both the male and female gender...and im not entirely comfortable with using she/her pronouns. I've been wondering for a while how you tell whether you're male or female, but the truth is that I see myself in both.

So with that being said, I don't feel like myself. I have mid-length hair, a large chest, and big hips. I look pretty much like a girl, and I hate that. I asked my parents if we could cut my hair short, but I have to wait until my hair grows out again (I was stress pulling)

My hair isn't going to grow out for months.

As for my chest, I HATE having a big chest. I would welcome the idea of having top surgery, because Ifeel like it would be more...me.

As for my hips, I'm trying to lose weight to make them look smaller, but i think it's just part of my bone structure I wish I was born perfect, you know? as a guy.. that way at least a few of these problems would besolved.
I also want to change my name. To one that can be both male and female.

my parents are pretty accepting but they joke about my sexual orientation a lot, so I'm kinda scared to tell them this. either that or they might think im faking this :/ or that "one of my friends are trans" or something because apparently I can't make decisions on my own.

who knows though, right? maybe this is just a phase

[Ennui.]

It definitely is possible that you are androgynous!

As far as your hair goes, a hairdresser may be able to do something with your hair even though you have stress pulled. Is it worth going to see one to see what they say?

You may also be able to purchase something known as a binder, which is a device that is used to safely reduce the appearance of breasts. Be sure you follow directions, such as how long you should wear it, not exercising with it, and don't get too small of a size that may restrict your breathing and cause damage.

Maybe you can start experimenting with a different name with accepting friends or family members. It's okay if you don't want to do that, but it can help you to see if you find a name that "fits" you more and makes you feel more comfortable. It's also okay if you change that name a few times, because it's all about seeing what makes you the most comfortable.

I've had something similar happen to me when I came out to my parents. I thought I was a lesbian at the time, although now I know that this isn't the label for me. My mom asked me who else is a lesbian that is making me think that I am as well. It's a good start that they're pretty accepting, but I'm sorry that they make jokes about your sexual orientation. If that's something you're uncomfortable with, maybe you can tell them "I feel uncomfortable when jokes are made about my sexual orientation. In the future, I'd like this to be off-topic."

If you tell them about your gender identity, maybe you can write it in the form of a letter that you either read to them or give them to read. That way, everything is gotten out without interruptions or nerves getting in the way. Make sure that coming out is safe for you before you come out. You can also tell them verbally. If you do this, I'd do it on a day when they are in a relatively good mood so they're more receptive to what you have to say.

I hope this helped at least a little!