Girlfriend + My "anger issues"

[Brandon]

Firstly, I don't believe that I have anger issues. Sometimes I get angry at things that I feel justified in being angry in, and very rarely do I ever punch anything. I have never drawn any blood when punching objects, I've only kicked a hole in the door when I was 13 years old (which was 9 years ago), and I haven't punched a hole in anything else since. I've punched pillows, I've punched my dressers, but it was never hard enough to cause any serious damage (to me or the inanimate object), and it was very rare for something like that to happen.

A couple of my family members, specifically my dad and grandmother, might believe that I have anger issues. My dad believes that I have anger issues, but he's also said that I've gotten better. Plus, I haven't heard it in as long as I can remember. Maybe a year! I don't know. My grandmother doesn't say I have anger issues, but she's an alcoholic and believes that everyone is against her so she's not really a good opinion regarding my anger issues. My sister used to say that I have anger issues, but she'd also say that I've gotten better (perhaps significantly better).

What I'm understanding is that, while I disagree, only a select few people believe that I have anger issues.

Last Tuesday, my girlfriend and I got into a big argument. It was about alcohol, one of the things I hate the most, and it slowly escalated into me getting my stuff packed, her telling me that I don't care about her, and her throwing her anniversary ring on the floor and telling me to keep it. I was devastated, started balling my eyes out (the most I've cried in a very long time), and she came walking out of her dorm within a couple of minutes while I was on my knees not being able to breathe because I was crying so hard, and she was apologizing. I felt like I fucked things up, and I ended up punching the oven glass. I didn't break the oven glass, it merely fell out of place because my punches aren't that strong enough. It was the first time that my fist drew blood, but it was not from the impact...it was from scraping against a piece of the metal from the oven that broke some skin.

My girlfriend has a thing about violence, and she got scared. Now that she's in the Bahamas, she's talked with a few women of the group...and one mentioned that abusive boyfriends always start being abusive by punching other objects. My girlfriend is scared, and might possibly believe that I'm going to become an abusive boyfriend because I punched an object.

I know that I'm not going to become an abusive boyfriend, but I'm afraid that she's being led to believe that it will happen to her based on some biased women.

When she comes back from the Bahamas, I'm going to have a serious discussion with her, but I'm wondering...how the fuck can I prove that I'm never going to hurt her? What more can I do besides talk to her about it?

[Eternal]

I think time is one of the main factors here. Trying to convince her will help, but I think it will mostly take time before she realizes that you aren't going to hurt her. When you do have a talk with her about this, just stay calm and keep it civil. The next time that you have a big fight and start getting upset, try and just remove yourself from the situation and go for a walk to calm down. While its great that you don't punch things very often when you're mad, its still not exactly a healthy thing to do and can lead to destruction of objects. If she doesn't see you punching any more objects, it can help her to see that you aren't a violent person and you aren't a danger to her.

[LSUfan85]

ayye bro, im the same way, i get pissed as fuck and have hit stuff, but would never hit a person. You were in a very passionate moment and when you were that upset you reacted with passion, right? say you were upset at that the thought of losing her and lashed out. shes obviously important to you and you will reacte with passion if something like that happens.

[Daivia]

I think the best way to prove it to her is to not let your anger get the best of you again. Learn some new coping mechanisms- don't let yourself get so upset that you lose control.

The only way to prove it to her is to keep it together for the rest of the time you are together. You can't just say you've changed, you have to live it. And live with the consequences if (when) you mess up.