Girlfriend help

[DoctorDon]

Hey guys,

My first time posting. I just thought explaining my situation and talking with strangers would be helpful. I'm being serious, talking to someone you don't know for advice is better than face to face because there is no judgement. Anyway, let me introduce you to Emily.

Emily is an amazing girl for me. Okay, honestly, I think she's the one. I'm 17 and she is 16. We already are making plans to spend the rest of our lives together. We're both smart, attracted to each other (although she has self-esteem issues caused by her mother constantly calling her ugly if she doesn't wear makeup), and damaged.

I am emotionally scarred because of my dad leaving my mom and then coming back. He's a drunk and the most annoying BSer in the world. I can't stand him and both of them favor my younger brother. Emily was my reprieve from hell. She has her own hell, though. Her mom is engaged to her stepfather after her real father cheated on her mother with her mother's sister. Her two sisters (older ones) have both gotten knocked up and Juan and Heidi (although they deserve manipulative lazy controlling loser and shedevil) are incredibly controlling. I would say protective only they never support Emily, or they rarely do it. They win her love with mashed potatoes and Captain America apparel. I was her reprieve from hell.

Things in our relationship were generally good. Her mom actually liked me at one time and her stepfather liked me most of all the boys that their family has brought home (I would like to mention that I am the only one who met the family without knocking their daughter up). Then, I was having a conversation of the dirty nature with Emily via text, and her mom saw the message. Her mom now assumes that we have or we are planning to have sex sometime. She hates me now and says I disgust her - keep in mind this woman got knocked up herself and is trash whereas I am a hardworking A+ average Eagle Scout. I said one thing. I'm human. I made a mistake. I'm a teenage boy for Christ's sake! The truth is that Emily and I are both virgins and we planned to be like that for the rest of high school because we both have promising futures. Her mom has refused to listen to reason and she and Emily's sister, Kim, yelled at her for dating me on the day of my birthday party. Emily shows up at my house and wants to break up with me. THen she realizes she loves me too much to do it at the end of the day. Long story short, her family hates me, and because of that, I never get to see her without sneaking around to her sports practice for 15 minutes. And this isn't everyday either. I'm hated and they can't move on. I don't know whether I should stay with her or not? I know in two years if I stuck with it, I'd say the worst is over, but I don't know if I was a fool to even have such hopes. we've been going out for ten months. Any advice? I'll answer any questions you may have if something isn't clear. Thanks

[hannahgreenwood]

1) Do you love her?
2) Are you actually ready to marry someone after graduating high school. That's a huge deal. Are you going to have kids? Are you going to work a job and she stay home if that is the case or vice versa? If you aren't going to have kids than you still need to figure out if you all are going to live together?
3) For the relationship to move forward, I think you could buy their family a gift. You could give them chocolates or a bunch of baby stuff for the two sisters or something just so they know that you aren't an immature guy.
4) There's nothing wrong with you. People sext when they are dating. They are just freaked out be expense wise they can not afford another pregnancy.
5) When you do see your girlfriend I would try to ask her how you might be able to win back some trust with the family or what gift they might like. I also think you should make sure she knows you are going to be friends no matter what. If this doesn't work out and the family won't ever look at you the same then make sure you let her know you all are friends and can lean on each other for advice.
6) If you love someone enough they will come back to you. Maybe this family needs space from you for good and if that ends up being the case than you should just keep being her friend until you guys are old enough to have careers and your own places because then the family will know you guys are old enough to caretake for a baby if you all were to ever have one. That is really what they are freaked out about.
7) Sometimes things don't work out just right at first with the person you love. Timing is everything. They will come back to you if it is in your heart of hearts and hers too that you all are a match made in heaven.

[DoctorDon]

Yes, I love her. We aren't planning on doing it right after high school, but rather living with each other through college. We'd get married after college. I know it sounds lofty, but high school sweethearts. I am going to be a doctor...she...i don't know. Thanks for the advice. Right now, her mother allows it, she just gets angry when Emily asks to spend time with me and Emily is too afraid to ask her mom.

[Lelola]

I would consider evaluating the situation. Having a family that hates you to your face or even behind your back is not a good situation and she is tied to them. I broke up with one of my boyfriends because I could not handle his mother constantly accusing me of being white trash and trying to get pregnant. While it may feel like she is the one, I would consider moving on given the fact that both of you are in high school still and she is dependent on her family. If she was old enough to move out and could support herself, then I would say she should move out and see how the relationship progresses.

I also think the timing of the text messages was bad with the sister's pregnancies. I also do not think you owe them an explanation. A simple "I am sorry that you saw the text messages" should suffice.

If it was me, I would consider leaving her. There are honestly other girls that you will meet down the line. I am not sorry for breaking up with my ex because then I would not have dated my current boyfriend.