Triggering (ED): I don't know how to talk to my boyfriend

I've come to the conclusion that I might have an eating disorder. It hasn't been formally diagnosed, but the past few months I have been engaging in some unhealthy and damaging methods to lose weight, and it's become a compulsion. My therapist said if I keep engaging in these behaviors she is going to recommend me to a therapy skills group for people with ED, so because of that I am concerned.

However, this post isn't really about that. This post is about talking to my boyfriend. Normally, we are open about everything with each other. We have a particular kind of relationship where I am required to be honest with him about anything concerning my health. He knows I was engaging in unhealthy eating behaviors, but I told him that I'd stop. However, I haven't stopped. If anything they've gotten worse. I eat normally around him and so he doesn't think anything's wrong, but the rest of the week I am engaging in those unhealthy eating patterns.

This is weighing like a terrible secret on my chest. Every time I'm around him I'm thinking about the fact that I'm still doing the stuff I said I wouldn't do. I want to ask him for help. However, I just can't bring myself to do it. I'm terrified that he'll want to start helping form a diet plan, or that he'll tell me I have to eat more, or that he'll simply be disappointed in me. He's fixing to leave in three weeks to go on a trip for three months and I know that these behaviors will only get worse while he's gone. I need help. I need to tell him, but I don't know how.

How do I get over my fears and talk to him? It's tearing me up inside not to be honest with my partner about something as big as this.

[RadioSerenade]

The most important thing in this case is simply to be honest with your boyfriend. I know you feel like you need his help or that he is going to become overly involved in your recovery, but let him know how you have been feeling. Acting like everything is normal around him when it is not, is probably going to damage your cause, I mean you must be around him so much.

Make sure you make it clear that your therapist is going to play the main role in your assistance. Say something like this: "I really appreciate you being there for me and helping me out, but right now, things probably aren't what they need to be. Being in therapy is huge, and it's only going to take a bit of time, for me to get back to where I need to be. When I get there, I'll have you to thank."

So acknowledge that it's not where it probably needs to be, acknowledge that it will, in time, and acknowledge his contribution. If he reacts undesirably, then that's not something that you can control anyways. What you can control is the pace of the interventions assisting your recovery, if you feel uncomfortable. That's the main thing, putting yourself and your recovery first and communicating to other parties, if they need to know that these things take time.

[Eternal]

Honestly most people with disorders have this problem, I've gone through the same thing. It's hard to talk about it because you're afraid of those you love getting in your way and preventing you from whatever destructive behaviors your engaging in. You know your eating disorder is bad, but you're afraid your boyfriend will be upset and make you guilty, or take an active role and this would then mean you can't make your own decisions as to whether you stop engaging in them or not. That lack of freedom is what makes it scary to speak out.
That being said, I still think you should talk to him about it. He's your boyfriend, he loves you and should be there for you. If you keep this to yourself, it will make it harder to recover and begin eating normally.
If you're too afraid to tell him in person, send a text, write a letter, or send an email. It doesn't necessarily matter how you tell him, just that you tell him. Those are all non-confrontation ways as as long as you can get yourself to press send, it's easier to do than face-to-face contact.
Once it's out there, you can try and take control and tell him how he can help. That way you can hopefully prevent him from being too intrusive, or from just being disappointed. People often don't know how to help those they love with situations like these, so figure out how you would like him to react and act, and be sure to let him know.