Yeah, but my friend plays on her disability a bit more than she should (such as, getting front rows at concerts and getting to meet bands because her mother knows how to milk it.. I hate those people. BUt the people who show they are strong, that they know they can do life without the "special attention" they receive, those are the good guys.

Awwww, sorry to hear I hate girls who do that, it gives the rest of us a bad rap...
my ex cheated on me though, he told me I was cute, and that he loved me and then he asks out my friend, she didn't agree so he went out with this whore...

Yep, it'd be harder to reist me! Hahaha.

Jay.

Glad you understand a little about SB, most people I talk to haven't the slightest what it is. xD I plan to post more among other stuff I've been through at some point.

Every girl I've dated either cheated on me or I knew it was doomed to end before I started..but took the chance anyway...only to end up crushed and wondering wtf happened xD As for kissing I've only kissed 2 girls..neither 1 was that exceptional. Glad that you're a pretty good kisser though, that does have its benefits I guess :P

Yeah, I'm sorry, my friend was born with spina bifida, and had to get a third of her spine taken out and a shunt, so I know of the struggles you go through (yes, I had a quick skim through your own blog but then my internet cut out.

Yeah, problem is I broke up with my ex for another guy, he was a jerk, and then I tried again and he was a douche... I am no good at relationships. I am a hopeless romantic without a guy around to hold, to kiss, to put his arms around me, to buy silly gifts for at Christmas, to be with new years... I've never had a relationship on Valentine's and I have never had a special kiss which meant something, it was more like experimentation, and I have been told by both sexes I am a prety good kisses, score one for me I guess..

Jay.

I know what you mean but again, you can overcome this, in time you can and will! I'll be there to help you as well

As for ex's they can be confusing, I still have feelings for most of my ex's and its been about 6 yrs since I last had a gf (online) and about 10 years since I last had a in-person relationship.

It seems life set out right from the start to hurt me, to kick me when I was down and to try and pull the trigger of a gun while it was aimed at my head....

Thanks. I (as in Immanuel. I could totally pass for a guy btw) asked my ex if he knew my sexual orientation! Why the fuck did I do that? Also, as Immanuel, I asked him to remain friends with her (me) due to the fact that shit has happened and it's confusing... Lol, wow I am so, don't even know the word anymore. I lost my description...

Jay.

I'm glad you survived, we wouldn't have met otherwise, and I think you are a very strong young girl. Look at all you've been through and yet here you are! I know its still a struggle trust me, I know and understand..but you'll get through it.

As for sounding gay, no you don't. If I was never told about your orientation I wouldn't have the foggiest idea what you were, nor does it matter to me. As for your last comment, I have to agree. Being pansexual myself I like anyone, but do prefer the company of a female more often then anyone else.

Thanks for the support, but I really doubt it. I mean, yes, I have managed to get through a lot of shit, but if I knew or had the means to commit suicide in foster care, I would have done it without hesitation! I hated my life and I nearly lost my mother then to a suicide attempt... and now I HATE my mother and it just doesn't make sense... I'm soo confused! I need somebody to hold...

I wish for my ex, but he sent a message to "my friend" whom is really me. Lol, saying 'just letting you know we aren't together anymore. BTW, are you gay? I'm bisexual, shush don't tell anyone' I mean, what the fuck?! I thought he was gay when I met him and then he thinks "Immanuel" is Gay! I don't sound gay do I?! Not that there is anything wrong with it, I'm bi after all and love woman perhaps more than guys right now.. Girls are better snugglers after all.

Jay.

Sure you can Jay! Yes it takes time but you ARE strong and you CAN and WILL win this!

Less dirty, but I feel so ashamed of how weak I was and still am... I want to be strong again... I can't fight the fucking demons...

Jay.

Aww, I'll read it soon..sorry for replying late, got distracted and forgot to refresh page. Hope you feel better after the shower!