I ♥ Jehovah Shalom! Offline

Hi suniesha!!

It took me YEARS to learn what I'm about to tell you. So I hope you are a 'fast learner' because it just might save you years of unnecessarily grief.
It is often VERY dangerous to put too much faith in how we FEEL. Our FEELINGS lie to us all the time. Our FEELINGS can NOT be depended upon. Our FEELINGS are NOT always 'right'. In fact - our feelings are often completely WRONG!! Many people FEEL as though they are the ugliest person in the world or the 'stupidest' or the 'least loved and cared about' and so on. But is that really the truth? Are they RIGHT to FEEL that way?! Sure!! And that's where you have to be careful. Everyone has a right to FEEL whatever they feel. But that still doesn't make their feelings RIGHT. That still doesn't mean that what they are feeling is the TRUTH. What you said in your last message is SO familiar to me. And millions of other people have said those exact same words. "I just can't stop FEELING this way!!" That is a very self-defeating statement. And as 'real' as it 'feels' - it's nothing but a LIE. Now you might be annoyed by me saying that too you - but it's the truth. I'm not denying how you FEEL. I'm just trying to encourage you to realize that what you FEEL may not be [and most likely isn't] based on the TRUTH. Your 'drug of choice' [so to speak] is FEELING BAD. And believe me - that was my 'drug of choice' for most of my life. But if you can find the courage to do so - stand back a little bit and take a look at the 'bigger picture'. If you can do that - you just might see how often you 'feed' that 'addiction'. It might just surprise you to realize how often you do things and say things [to yourself and others] that reinforce all of those negative FEELINGS. When I look back to when I was bullied - I can't help but acknowledge that the worst bully I ever met - was ME. The bullies made me FEEL 'less than' and I spent much of my life doing things to myself and saying things to myself that supported those 'less than' FEELINGS. For every awful 'name' someone called me - I called myself a hundred awful 'names'. I have even slapped my face [and really hard too] while looking at myself in a mirror while saying things like,
"You stupid fat f*ck. You're a useless piece of sh*t." [And so on] And that was on a 'good day'!! lol And wasn't that an awful thing to do to myself?! In spite of how you FEEL - get it into your head that your FEELINGS are NOT bigger than you are. You have a right to acknowledge the truth about yourself. And that truth is far nicer than you can imagine. So stop abusing yourself and treat yourself with the kindness, compassion AND RESPECT. And if your FEELINGS are trying to convince you that you don't deserve to be treated with kindness - tell those FEELINGS to GET LOST!!!!!

GREAT BIG HUG
Craig!!

Hi suniesha!!

I know that feeling. I really do. In fact - I've felt that way most of my life. I have often felt like giving up. When I was 15 - I got pretty close to committing suicide. I just couldn't see beyond my present circumstances. I believed that what my life was like - and what it had been up to that point - was a blueprint for my future. I believed that my life would NEVER get better. That I would be 'stuck' having to deal with the same awful 'stuff' [And same awful people] forever and ever. And I just KNEW that I couldn't go on living that way and feeling that way. But whenever I think of that time in my life - I NOW realize that I was not nearly as powerless as I had come to believe. In fact - my life was as bad as it was [for the most part] because I was trying to control everyone and everything. And as a result of my need to control - I was keeping GOD out of the loop. I was blocking HIM from having any say in what was going on. No wonder my life was so 'screwed up'. Oh sure - I had no power over what other people said or did. [And I still don't] And I couldn't make THEM become who I wanted and needed them to be - but that still didn't mean that I was powerless. For I was as powerful as I was willing to give up my control and hand it over to GOD. I have often dreamed of going back in time and talking to that little guy who grew up to become ME. I'd love to let him know that everything was going to turn out OK. But I would also encourage him to 'let go' and TRUST GOD! I promise you suniesha - as I would promise myself as a little boy - that you are LOVED and NEEDED because GOD loves you and needs you. Knowing that - does it matter what PEOPLE might say or do? Does it matter if THEY fail you in some way and not live up to your epectations of them? [Even IF those expectations are very reasonable] I don't think so. There are countless numbers of people in this world who need someone just like you. And if you are willing - those hands you will find at the end of your arms can become the hands of God. Just think about that for a minute. It is really quite amazing.

GREAT BIG HUG
Craig!!

Hi suniesha!!
I've got really BIG EARS and you should see my shoulders - they go on forever and ever!! [The perfect size to lean on] So tell me what's going on in your life. Why do you feel terrible?!
GREAT BIG HUG
Craig!!

Hi suniesha!!
Thanks!!! lol
I'm OK - I think. I'm starting to see a little light at the end of the tunnel - so that's good. I hope!!
How are YOU doing?!
GREAT BIG HUG
Craig!!

Hi suniesha!!
I hope you're having a super duper dandy day!!
Thanks for the friendship request. I really appreciate it.
And speaking of God [Were we?! lol] I've been going through a LOT lately and have really been trying to 'let go - let God'. It's an interesting concept. And I have found that whenever I DO 'let go' - things end up turning out for the best. If I don't - and insist on doing it 'my way' - I usually just find myself with even more problems than when I started!!
How was THAT for a first message?! lol
GREAT BIG HUG
Craig!!

Life is gooood, going outside the house, back into therapy, talkin to ppl, made a real life friend, have a wonderful girlfriend..Its all gooood.
how's you?

*gives you some choc * profile-viewing you

That'd be pretty sweet.

Lyndsee is the other kid who goes to Everett High xD

I live in Everett Washington