Listening to Buffy makes things better! lol. I used to have a facebook and myspace (which my mom had no idea about) and thats where I wrote everything. But then my mom was all "i dont want you having those things until your 18!" so they went bye bye! Shes trying to control me before I turn 18 and Im gone. I cant fucking wait! Last night we were balancing my checkbook, and there were 1 or 2 things that I forgot to put in, but they were each like 2 dollars, so youd think its not a big deal...

This is my first ever going to a website like this, so idk really what to say...I guess I will start with my problem. I am a 17 year old girl, and as my user name states, I am tired of being. I went to a shrink when I was in 6th grade, but that did shit to help. I am very good at concealing all my problems, seeing as I still go undiagnosed. I just want to die some days. more so when things are going well then when things aren't. I feel bad for putting up this charade with my friends and family,...

I think ive finally reached an end point
there is no further to go
no more life lessons to learn
no cutain call
no encore
no final wishes
no last breaths
just a black empty hole something im trying desparately to fill, anything, its like im clucthing at human contact
makes me know im alive
doesnt stop it hurting, doesnt make breathing easier
Doesnt make liveing with myeself easy
but hey
might not have to do it for long...

The closer I get to being 15, the more I feel like it is a huge step in my life. Why? I don't know. It just feels like fifteen will be a whole lot older. I know that it isn't, that I will be the same person. It's just a little weird. Everybody keeps asking me what I want. The problem is, I don't really want anything. Material objects are nice, but not really what my life is about. I just like being around people who love me.
That reminds me, I joined Dragon Caves (dragcave.net) and I want...

I am utterly going to fail my exams
thats my career out the window
my bf is breaking up with me
i feel so lost
should i feel this guilty over it?
should i cry more?
Hes institutionalised me by totally monopolysing me
il be empty of he goes
he left me with nothing ;(

Ten months ago, if my boyfriend cheated, I would be alright with it as long as it was purely sexual. If she happened to be hot, I'd even want in on the action. I'd even be mad if he had the opportunity to do it with a hottie but didn't take it.

I got pregnant. And we got married. Five months ago, he started to sxt some girls. And I was alright.. at first. Things continued and I stopped being alright with it. He only stopped when he read the messages I sent to my friend saying that I...

i feel ill. The voices in my head won't leave me alone. They tell me what a disgrace i am and to kill myself in what ever way possible. I don't know if i can make it through the night. I'm all alone again. The girl haunts me... she mocks me. i can't take this any more. i'm not getting better from my medication... i wish i was dead...

My birthday is in exactly a month! I'm gonna be 15!
Back to normal news...haha
Today during lunch, Matthew was staring at me. This was pointed out to me by my friends Donna and Courtney. Donna said "The new kid in our English and Bio classes is staring at you, wasn't he your best friend in fifth grade or something?" I confirmed this and looked to see if he was staring. As soon as I looked his direction, he quickly looked away and started a conversation with his friends....

I have a friend,and we have been friends for almost two years,but sometimes it's like I can't talk to her about some of my problems or questions. Like one time at this fair where I live she had a problem with me flirting,but it's fine for her to flirt with random guys? I get so upset sometimes, I just want to end our friendship. if anyone can help me, please do I am only 14 years old but, I will be 15 on suday.

Oy !

All the holiday craziness has gone by soooo quickly, did any of us even realised that its over ? I certainly didn't !
Oh well, back to structured life I guess.
I surely miss all the liberty and coolness of the holidays though...no more dancing until 4 a.m., no more sleeping in until noon - ahhh, will I ever even survive going back to school after experiencing such a laid-back lifestyle Oh sure I will ; we all have got to.
Anyway, I spent an awesome...