Had to go to this stupid meeting thing today.
It was basically a 'your reports are good have a couple of cookies' thing.
The only reason I get a good report is because I'm too scared to talk in all but 3 classes.
And it was horrible!
Cookies!
I couldn't refuse them and we had to eat them there...
I've had so much today, I'm so fat, I hate it.
And I've been surrounded by eating people all day, I hate it.
I can't believe how much I've had today......

so this years my first year of high school and before this year i had never really cared for a boyfriend...yea i had crushes but i was fine with just having my friends. and then high school happened.
This guy and i had been flirting for a few weeks and i really fell for him. Unfortunately, some stuff happened and everything ended. it wasnt too big of a deal because i realized he wasnt even worth it because he was flirting with many more girls.
Now, in one of my classes this sophmore...

Worse and worse
I fail at all I do.
A blessing or a curse?
I love you.
But my heart broke in two.
Was all we said..
Really just words to you?
Empty words.
Heart shattered
Feel used, Feel misplaced.
I didnt even matter.
I guess its done.
Can you tell? But you dont care about my tears.
This is nothing, This makes me noone.
Watch me turn around.
Say goodbye, a final time darling.
I cant look back, my word...

I remember when I used to laugh.
Now, I can't even break a smile.
I guess happiness has become my past.
My friends pass me by.
Oh, how I love each and every one of them.
I know I'm letting them down, but they can't see through the lie.
I told them I am a failure.
They either walk away or try to help.
But none can find the cure.
I guess I'm too far gone.
And I need a person.
But there was noone.
As I write everyone my final letter....

I don't have a happy past.
Most the memories are full of tears and pain.
All you see me do is cry over them.
Everyone says to get over it.
It's the past. It should stay there.
Shouldn't it?
My past doesn't stay there. It isn't done with.
It is my future. It is my present.
I'll never get over the memories.
I didn't have a true father.
I still don't.
That's why I look for love in a boy.
Which is stupid I know.
So, I stopped...

I fell in love.
With this kid.
Bryan.
One year, fell in love.
Second year, head over heals.
Third year, went senseless, lost track.
Fourth year, lost the love.
I was messed up. But I caught myself before I went to far down.
Found Alan.
Amazing friend.
Fell hard.
Really hard.
Way past head over heals.
It hurts so much. I really love him.
He will never know.
No one will.
Because it isn't real.
...