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Old

*Triggering* Relapse

Posted May 17th 2013 at 03:55 PM by Troubled_Heart

.

Had been what? 2 months since my last cut. About 3 weeks since my last binge. But I lost it today, I mean really lost it.




I don't even know why. I think it's because I've been left home alone for 3 days in a row. The binging, pretty sure that was boredom, I had to punish myself, I mean I HAD to. How could I not. I'm so fat. I can't believe I've let myself get like this. I need to starve. Need this pain from the cuts, don't know why I ever stopped,...
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Used to be Ianto Jones
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Old

Fucking up relationships as well as myself

Posted May 28th 2012 at 01:58 PM by Troubled_Heart

I'm the biggest fuck-up ever.
I hate what I'm doing.
Breaking everyone.

I do love him.
I mean, I'm pretty much only still here for him.

But I love her too.
She's beautiful and understands me.

What have I done?
I've fucked it up with him.
I kissed her.
I fucking kissed her and then said she could be my girlfriend.

I'm a two-timing bitch.

He was, is the best thing that had happened to...
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Used to be Ianto Jones
Posted in Uncategorized
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Old

ugh

Posted May 22nd 2012 at 01:29 PM by Troubled_Heart

Took enough pills to make me throw up...
Cutting like crazy...
Music so loud I hear a buzzing without it...
I am a fucked up mess.
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Used to be Ianto Jones
Posted in Uncategorized
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Old

:/

Posted May 14th 2012 at 10:27 AM by Troubled_Heart

Got an exam later and another tomorrow
Today's can fail. French. Who cares.
Tomorrow R.S. Want to do it at A-Level.
Could do with an A.
On track for a C.
Can't concentrate. Can't revise.
Destined to fail.
i hate failing. but i am a failure.
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Used to be Ianto Jones
Posted in Uncategorized
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Old

-_- (triggering)

Posted May 9th 2012 at 05:23 PM by Troubled_Heart
Updated May 10th 2012 at 02:46 AM by Fading Light. (Adding prefix.)

Cut again
Already regret it
Would've exploded if I didn't though
Let so many people down
Want to cut more
Know I shouldn't
Want to scoff my face with food
Tied my hands together to try stop myself
Just hate me.
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Used to be Ianto Jones
Posted in Uncategorized
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Old

Yay(!)

Posted May 4th 2012 at 04:52 PM by Troubled_Heart

Great timing there period.
Could've waited 2weeks surely?
No.
Revision not happening now, just pain.
Thanks for that.
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Used to be Ianto Jones
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Old

gekhjf

Posted May 2nd 2012 at 06:39 PM by Troubled_Heart

Crying again.
Third time today.
Live for one thing. Want it to go away and leave me.
I just want to be left along to die. And not feel guilty!
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Used to be Ianto Jones
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Old

How do you keep the truth from parents?

Posted April 30th 2012 at 09:42 PM by Troubled_Heart

I've either made the worst mistake of my life, or done the best thing ever, but I'd put my money on the first one.

I'm meeting up with my online 'boyfriend' (the inverted commas because I don't class an online relationship as proper).

I promised my mum I wouldn't meet him but I can't stop myself. She always finds out when I lie. She will find out and she will hate me and ban me from talking to him. She'll ban the internet, football and anything but school work and homelife....
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Used to be Ianto Jones
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Old

why do we have to title blog posts? (triggering)

Posted April 23rd 2012 at 06:52 PM by Troubled_Heart
Updated April 24th 2012 at 01:20 AM by Fading Light. (Adding prefix.)

So today wasn't as bad as I predicted..
Until I got home.
Cut like I used to cut... And it felt goooood...
Mother can go die...
I don't want to eat chips, I don't want to get fatter!
I've decided I don't want to stop cutting!
It makes me happy! So why the hell should I take that away from myself?
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Used to be Ianto Jones
Posted in Uncategorized
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Old

:'(

Posted April 23rd 2012 at 07:25 AM by Troubled_Heart

Don't want to go to school.
Don't make me go.
Already cut over it.
Need to cut again.
Need to cut so so bad.
So humiliating.
Everyone there hates me.
Everyone laughs at me.
I'M NOT A FREAK!
Well... I am.. I'm the biggest freak there is.
I just want to fit in.
I just want people to like me.
I hate me though, so why wouldn't others?
Might as well die... Only 1 thing to live for, that's not enough...
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