I'm scared. So scared. I have to do running and climbing and everything tomorrow, on an empty stomach. Why? Because I have to. Because those are the rules. Because if I don't, I'll cut or OD. Because I'm a huge fuck up. Because I'm a mess. Because I'm fat.

Just tried to cut some scab off my foot because it wasn't perfect. Now my foot is bleeding. Why the fuck am I doing this to myself? Why are my fingernails bitten down and the skin torn off from my fingers? Why are there scabs on...

$16 gym membership payment, $20 credit card repayment, $20 overdraft repayment, $5 fine repayment, $40 on groceries, $20 haircut, $35.80 tobacco (and papers and filters), $15 new shirt, $130 aside for when the property manger comes to pick up rent (because my benefit didn't automatically redirect it), $10 RuneScape membership, $3 ear-ring, $3 Lift Plus, $20 for the bill tins, and I still have about $30.

I. Feel. So. Rich.

My Invalid's Benefit finally got approved AND...