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Posted July 6th 2012 at 11:43 PM by _Xander_
Updated July 7th 2012 at 01:47 AM by _Xander_

For years now I've known I was different. I have always felt there was just something that was weird about me. I thought I had figured it out about two years almost three years ago, I was 12 and I had the biggest crush on this girl and so I told myself I was a lesbian and for about a year I went with it and I felt almost whole for once. Soon the same feelings came back though and I had that gaping hole in me again. I didn't know what to do so I just went on living and telling myself it would get better. I guess you could say it worked I went on with my life but there were still those days that I didn't want to face the world and hear the words she and her and have to walk into they girls bathroom. I did it anyway telling myself to stop saying if only I had been born a boy. I told myself you're a girl deal with it and get on with your life. And I just did I kept moving on but for some reason each and every single day I'm wishing I were a boy. I've Been dreaming every night for the past week. In every single dream I'm a boy and it just feels like I'm whole and not missing the biggest piece of myself. I know now that I am really a boy on the inside. I don't know what to about it, I want to come out but I don't know if I'm ready or not. I wanted to find some help but it terrified me even to look up what I am. I kept looking over my shoulder and I could barley bring myself to sign up for this. I did it though and now after writing this I feel so much better and I'm glad I did. If you have any advice or questions or comments then just post them.
thank you
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  1. Old Comment
    George^^'s Avatar
    Hey Switch (Just have to ask, are you a Shane Dawson fan? Or have you seen any of his videos?- I'm sorry, it's just, Switch is the name of a character he played in a music video)

    Anyways, I can understand how you feel about looking behind your back and having troubles with signing up for TH, I was nervous too and am still nervous, what you have to remember through is all you can do is be you and help yourself figure yourself out so that one day it'll be easier to be yourself.

    I know that I haven't helped a whole lot yet, but you can always talk to me and I can hopefully help you out, I'm also looking forward to becoming friends
    Posted July 7th 2012 at 03:58 AM by George^^ George^^ is offline
  2. Old Comment
    _Xander_'s Avatar
    thank you for commenting on my blog sometimes it can get kinda lonely in the trans or genderqueer world when you're not out. no i'm not a big fan of shane dawson really but my mom is and she gave me that nickname and it just stuck. i hope that mabye we can be come freinds to.
    Posted July 7th 2012 at 06:27 AM by _Xander_ _Xander_ is offline
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