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words like knives and boiling water

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Posted July 8th 2012 at 08:44 PM by _Xander_
Updated July 8th 2012 at 09:35 PM by _Xander_

For the past couple of days each and every time someone says she, her,or girl I cringe. Forcing my voice to sound normal I answer them but what I really want to do is scream at them that I'm not a she or a her hell I'm not even a girl. I'm a boy just a normal bisexual male. I can't wait for Tuesday so I can get this feeling to stop, but at the same time I'm dreading it the anxiety is eatting away at my soul. I'm still having the dreams and each morning its harder and harder to make myself get out of bed. Today when my hunger finally got the best of me I made myself go upstairs it was after noon. My mom asked me how late I stayed up and I said I have no idea. She says "you were chating with a girl weren't you." I say no but I blush so she thinks I'm lieing. " well next time try to go to bed at a decent hour, i could here you typing away well into the night." I wanted to tell her so bad that what I was really doing was talking to people like me the genderqueers and FTM's or MTF's, but i couldn't get the words past my lips. My feelings are boiling inside me, the boy inside me is fighting to get out and I can't keep the lid closed much longer or the waters gonna boil over.
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  1. Old Comment
    Reign.'s Avatar
    Baby steps, Dear. Things like this take time to admit, especially if it's to your parents. Do you know that they would disapprove? If they do, then go about telling them slowly. Hopefully they will accept you for who you are. Everyone deserves to be accepted for who they are, no matter what. So don't ever feel like you're worthless or stupid because you're different. There's nothing wrong with being different sweetie. Be proud of who you are, no matter what anyone else says.

    I read your last blog, and I hope all goes well. If you need anything, I'm here.

    ~Kayla.
    permalink
    Posted July 9th 2012 at 11:02 PM by Reign. Reign. is offline
  2. Old Comment
    _Xander_'s Avatar
    Thank u very much kayla, I'm coming out tomorrow cuz i can't wait any longer. Wish me luck eveyone if all goes well I will be starting my transition from girl to boy.
    permalink
    Posted July 10th 2012 at 06:47 AM by _Xander_ _Xander_ is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Reign.'s Avatar
    You're welcome. Good luck darling.
    permalink
    Posted July 10th 2012 at 04:57 PM by Reign. Reign. is offline
 
 
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