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Gonna live for me !

Posted July 6th 2011 at 04:39 AM by chhd

So I've pretty much decided that at the end of this month I'm moving to California. Life is too short to be tied down at 18 and shut yourself out from experiencing the world. I'm tired of this small town with all the same people and everyone knowing every time anyone moves a muscle. I want to live with no regrets and be free. I've always wanted to live in California, Ramon is just a plus. Am I crazy to just wanna pick up and leave my life here ? When I think about leaving, it's kinda like my "happy...
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 72 Comments 1 chhd is offline

It's been a while..

Posted July 2nd 2011 at 07:51 AM by chhd

So it's definitely been a long time since I've been on here or posted anything but I just kind of need to vent. I've been in an on and off relationship for over a year and a half now. Kayce is my first love, though sometimes I wish I could quit him. He has put me through so much crap that most girls would be long gone and moved on. He has slapped, kicked, punched, and nearly choked me to death and still I am with him. Does this sound like love or some other sick thing? Cause lately, I'm not too...
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 53 Comments 0 chhd is offline

Giving Up

Posted September 15th 2009 at 08:18 PM by chhd

I'm giving up. I'm giving up on holding my head up high, giving up on not saying goodbye. I'm giving up on all hope, I'm giving up on my new ways to cope. I'm giving up on caring what they think, I'm giving up when things start to stink. I'm giving up not because i don't care, I'm giving up because it's just not fair. I'm giving up on holding back my tears, I'm giving up on my deepest fears. I'm giving up on all my hard work. I'm giving up on the past, I should have known this wouldn't last. I'm...
Views 52 Comments 0 chhd is offline

Rant/ Rave (from my creative writing class)

Posted September 14th 2009 at 10:59 PM by chhd
Updated September 15th 2009 at 08:08 PM by chhd

I NEED TO GO BACK. I'm slipping away again, faster now. I don't want to lose myself again. I don't want to lose everything i worked so hard to earn back. But i NEED help. I don't NEED medication. I NEED the truth not the anti-depressant coated fairy-tales.
I'M TIRED. I'm TIRED of being out of it. I'm TIRED of being angry at myself for things that aren't my fault. I'm TIRED of working my ass off. I'm TIRED of getting let down. I'm TIRED of being broken.
I'M PISSED. I'm PISSED at my mom....
Views 44 Comments 0 chhd is offline

eating disorder?

Posted March 12th 2009 at 01:50 AM by chhd

great just what i needed. My parents noticed i haven't eaten since monday, they watched and made sure i ate a salad and half of a granola bar before they left for pool. I don't know what triggered it i was sitting in my window smoking a cigarette and listening to Between The Trees wishing my dad wasn't grounding me from church [fucked up i know right] and i felt like crap from eating and i just forced it all out. i felt really lightheaded from it and i just layed on my bathroom floor crying.i've...
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 120 Comments 0 chhd is offline

ohmygod! WHY?

Posted March 10th 2009 at 03:01 AM by chhd

i just found out my brother of course the one person who i could tell anything to is in jail.Someone please give me something anything im going to cut again tonight i know it. It's sick when you have planned times to hurt yourself. I just don't know how im supposed to tell my nephew that his daddy's gone and won't be back for a long time. I just hope he's safe in that place. Hopefully he gets better and realizes the pills aren't worth it. Just someone give me a quote or advice or something please....
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 87 Comments 0 chhd is offline

today was..

Posted March 9th 2009 at 07:51 PM by chhd

blah.im kind of excited because he's finally coming back from tampa for hockey. But i don't know i'm not okay, i know i need help. I just don't want to hurt my parents even more. Therapy doesn't work for me and i don't want them to have to pay for me to go to some resort thing. I just know it's wrong what i'm doing and i don't know why i still do it. My dad doesn't care about anything thats wrong with me he only cares about my grades. I tried to tell my mom i should go to the doctor and see if...
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 91 Comments 0 chhd is offline

can't stop crying

Posted March 9th 2009 at 04:22 AM by chhd

okay i haven't cried in forever
but i just relapsed
pretty damn bad
and i just don't know what to do
someone please help me
i hate this
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 144 Comments 1 chhd is offline

ugh urges

Posted March 9th 2009 at 03:04 AM by chhd

this always happens
when im laying in bed
the urges come back
its hard to explain
i mean its like my wrists are screaming at me to do it to let it all out.
im contemplating whether or not im gonna do it
i know its wrong but it feels like the only way.
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 82 Comments 0 chhd is offline

eh, cutting and relationship issues

Posted March 9th 2009 at 01:23 AM by chhd

okay so if you've read my really long behind blog i posted first you know that i cut and my boyfriend would totally freak if he knew. I mean i really like him and everything but sometimes i just want a boy that can understand what im going through. My boyfriend would be totally close minded if he found out. i live in a small town called Goose Creek in charleston South Carolina and its mainly rednecks which i will confirm i am one but im actually not the same im vegetarian and i listen to rock and...
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 118 Comments 1 chhd is offline

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