I woke up this morning thinking about suicide. All I could think of was ways to make it look like an accident. I didn't say anything though. Instead I went to school and acted like nothing was wrong. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't keep hiding it and acting like nothing's wrong when all I want to do is cry. I just want one person to ask if I'm okay and stop assuming that just because I'm smiling there's nothing wrong. I just wish that I felt happy. I blame myself for not being happy. All...

Sorry I haven't been posting anything I've been grounded. But anyways. So far this month has started out crappy for many reasons. First, my mom grounded me because I failed a few classes. Then when I went and tried to get the work I was missing or extra credit she wouldn't give it to me so when I came and told my mom she told me I was a liar. Awesome right? So that night I spent the whole night in my room writing about stupid stuff but writing none the less. Then the next day I saw this thing for...

I feel like this is the only place I can be heard. The only place someone actually cares. The only place I tell the truth about myself. I have no secrets on here it's 100% me. It's crazy that I can tell every secret to people I don't even know, but when it comes to my family and friends I can't talk. I told my mom the the ground is crumbling today; she just looked at me like I was stupid. She didn't understand the metaphor. The ground= my life, it's crumbling and eventually there will be nothing...

I had an amazing day today. I didn't even feel a little depressed. I want this to last, but I know tomorrow I'm gonna crash so hard. Time to sleep the pain away. YAY!! =]

Every high has an equal low. I didn't believe it until today. Someone told me that I was bad at one of the ONLY things that kept me happy. Another failure in my life. After an amazing day yesterday I got in an argument with a teacher. Why? For standing up for myself when he told me I was bad at the violin. Fuck you. I was so pissed all day. There was my low. I didn't even eat today. Not like I eat any other day, but I was going to today. Everyone thinks me not eating is a joke. It's really not,...

I realized something today, I don't need the butterfly project. Oh and about that I don't know if it really worked, once Mikaela faded I forgot all about it. But, anyway I don't need it. I realized that every time I feel like cutting I already do something to take my mind off of it. I realized that I write on my homework. Not like my name or the actual work, but I write smile all over it or my favorite bands, but every time I make sure I write a huge SMILE somewhere I know my teacher will see it....

Everything is always my fault. You can never take responsibility for anything. You can't admit just once that it's your fault can you? I'm ungrateful? Okay sure, let's say that I am. Who's fault is it? Of course it's mine. I raised my self remember. You were to busy doing whatever the fuck you were doing. I can't believe you made me feel like this again. After all the progress I've made, now I'm back to square one. I've never felt like running away more then I do right now. Bags packed and ready....

I strive for perfection, but I always fall short. I don't want to be here anymore. My strength is dwindling, my castle is crumbling, and my faith has diminished,but you still don't hear my call for help. I've fallen into the ocean and I'm drowning, but no one will rescue me. I'm not scared to die though; if anything I'm ready.Ready to leave the place that has broken me, made me feel worthless and insecure, hurt me, killed me already.I want to be gone; disappear into the night. Make everyone feel...

Today I drew a butterfly on my ankle. I named it Mikaela (or Mikayla). I named it this because Mikayla is my niece’s name. I spelled it the other way because that’s the girl that I really like. She doesn’t know I like her, but I know she cuts too. Or she used to. I think it will make me want to let it live even more knowing that it represents two people instead of one. I really hope I can make it. I don’t want to kill it. Well I guess we’ll see how it goes. Wish me luck. =]