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Out of it. (SH Trig)
Posted September 25th 2013 at 12:32 AM by ¯|_(ツ)_|¯
So basically I had an incident with another student in the school. It wasn't anything I felt threatened by, but my parents took what was said by the other student in a threatening way, and reported it to administration.
So, one of the vice principals called me down today. I got so nervous I couldn't breathe and it felt as if I was choking on my words. I guess the best way I can describe it is that it felt as if I was having an asthma attack, only I knew it wasn't an asthma attack because two seconds before that I was talking to my teacher telling her to hold the bus for me (we have to go to a different school for class) because the vice principal wanted to see me, and I felt like I could breathe again when I left.It got to the point where I told her, "I'm sorry, I can't breathe," and she had to give me a second to breathe and then when I talked I still couldn't really breathe so it was hard for me to say everything.
Went home with a headache but instead of going to bed went shopping with my sister. Headache eventually went away after taking some of her aspirin.
Got home. Ate. Showered. Filled the bathtub.
I love cutting myself in the bathtub. I like standing up and cutting and just bleeding, watching it, it just has a better look to it in the bathtub. Just how everything comes out while in water. And watching the water tint orange. One cut can look so much worse than what it really is. Means I can do less with the same effect.
Calm. But mentally exhausted. So tired my brain isn't all with it. Sick feeling from other things, Pepto Bismol is kicking in though so it's better than before. Hope the anxious feeling doesn't come back before I go to sleep or I may cut again. Want to take off the Band-AID but it may still be bleeding a little but if not it may start again overnight and I don't want it to go through and have my family know.
Whee.
So, one of the vice principals called me down today. I got so nervous I couldn't breathe and it felt as if I was choking on my words. I guess the best way I can describe it is that it felt as if I was having an asthma attack, only I knew it wasn't an asthma attack because two seconds before that I was talking to my teacher telling her to hold the bus for me (we have to go to a different school for class) because the vice principal wanted to see me, and I felt like I could breathe again when I left.It got to the point where I told her, "I'm sorry, I can't breathe," and she had to give me a second to breathe and then when I talked I still couldn't really breathe so it was hard for me to say everything.
Went home with a headache but instead of going to bed went shopping with my sister. Headache eventually went away after taking some of her aspirin.
Got home. Ate. Showered. Filled the bathtub.
I love cutting myself in the bathtub. I like standing up and cutting and just bleeding, watching it, it just has a better look to it in the bathtub. Just how everything comes out while in water. And watching the water tint orange. One cut can look so much worse than what it really is. Means I can do less with the same effect.
Calm. But mentally exhausted. So tired my brain isn't all with it. Sick feeling from other things, Pepto Bismol is kicking in though so it's better than before. Hope the anxious feeling doesn't come back before I go to sleep or I may cut again. Want to take off the Band-AID but it may still be bleeding a little but if not it may start again overnight and I don't want it to go through and have my family know.
Whee.
Total Comments 4
Comments
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Well thatsucks. I wish for you to stop cutting, but I think your breathing was odd because of nervousness. That happens to me I admit. You should also talk to your sis, she maybe some helpPosted September 25th 2013 at 12:56 AM by MNSB Scarlet
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I am sorry this happened. The breathing might be have been due to nervousness/anxiety. I know that when I am anxious sometimes I have issues with breathing properly. Of course, I am not a doctor so that is just one guess.
Dez, if you ever feel like hurting yourself and would like to talk to someone instead feel free to message me or something. I know reaching out might be hard but it could prove beneficial. You can make it through all of this and work on getting to a better place.
Do you think you could talk to your counselor about everything? I know you guys were going to have to reschedule your appointments and stuff but the next time you see her it might help if you open up to her about some of this. I know it might be hard but I know you really like her and have formed a decent bond with her. Let her help you.Posted September 25th 2013 at 02:29 AM by -
The not-breathing thing sounds kind of like how panic attacks are described sometimes.
Just remember, you can keep going forwards. Hard stuff happens and sometimes it breaks us, but it's important to let yourself heal and keep focussed on your goals. Make an extra appointment with someone. Talk through what's happened so it's out of your head and doesn't pull you back to nasty places.
Tie yourself back to earth. Spend time with your niece. Grab hold of something, tight. Stay with yourself.
<3 and most importantly, stay safe.Posted September 25th 2013 at 08:36 AM by i_like_black
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I agree with what the others here have said, and as always you can come to me and I'll do my best to help you out! You know where to find me. Keep your self safe! :hug:Posted September 30th 2013 at 03:27 AM by Thereishope
