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Old

Two blogs in one day. (trig)

Posted August 25th 2014 at 04:12 AM by Melancholia. (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)
Updated August 29th 2014 at 05:26 AM by Melancholia.

Welp. I guess is the continuation of my earlier blog. Sorry for posting two in one day.

This day was...bad. Really bad. I'm starting to calm down now, but exhaustion has also taken over from not sleeping so...

But yeah. I moved in. That went fine. My niece was there though because my dad couldn't come. He can't lift because of the surgery. My sister didn't have a sitter so my niece had to come.

It was okay until the goodbye. I know I am probably coming...
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Devil Dez
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Views 77 Comments 2 Melancholia. is offline
Old

Breakdown (slightly trig?)

Posted June 6th 2014 at 01:30 AM by Melancholia. (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)
Updated June 6th 2014 at 03:57 AM by Melancholia.

I've just had another breakdown. Over something stupid. My school's National Honor Society offers scholarships but apparently my essay was bad. If I don't redo my essay for this scholarship application by Monday I will get rejected for it. Second rejection I've gotten on a scholarship and I haven't even heard back from the rest.

Then there's the stress of graduation being soon, and having to say a speech so that adds to my breakdown. Plus we have to present senior portfolios soon....
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Devil Dez
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Views 57 Comments 1 Melancholia. is offline
Old

Culture clash (triggering?)

Posted May 25th 2014 at 11:49 PM by Melancholia. (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)

I am seventeen years old. I will be eighteen on June 3rd so in about nine days. At eighteen years old, I will have as much freedom as I did at like, twelve.

My dad is 63 and will be 64 at the end of August, and my mom is 61 and will be 62 at the end of June. That means they were born in 1950 and 1952, and had me in their mid forties pretty much.

You can see where the problem comes in. Unlike children who were born when their parents were young, there is a HUGEHUGEHUGE...
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Devil Dez
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 80 Comments 5 Melancholia. is offline
Old

I hate myself. (Triggering)

Posted May 12th 2014 at 11:44 PM by Melancholia. (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)
Updated May 13th 2014 at 12:06 AM by Melancholia.

I wonder what it takes to qualify as "unstable" or a danger to yourself. I don't even think I want to get better.

I hate when you make a decision then realize the decision is bad and then you feel like shit. I should have finished the AP exam because now I feel guilty and worthless and like a failure for walking out and I've cried so much over this that I'm so exhausted now. I was crying so hard I was gagging. But even if I stayed I would have felt bad. I wasn't understanding...
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Devil Dez
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 68 Comments 3 Melancholia. is offline
Old

Nothing. (Triggering)

Posted May 10th 2014 at 06:17 AM by Melancholia. (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)

I got a new blade. Again. My friend sent me this one. Cut today for no particular reason except to try it out. This one works the best out of all of them. But it's still not enough. It still won't give me the satisfaction I want since I can't slice myself whenever I want. Now that summer's coming I have to be even more careful but everyone will find out at my birthday or graduation party anyway.

I can't stay happy for long right now anyway. I can be all happy and excited but it's...
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Devil Dez
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 82 Comments 5 Melancholia. is offline
Old

I knew it wouldn't last. (triggering)

Posted April 23rd 2014 at 03:59 AM by Melancholia. (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)

39 days. I made it 39 days before I ruined my streak. My goal was two months. But I guess I did better than I have in a while.

The low hit me hard and hit me fast. It started yesterday. I woke up feeling sad just because I exist. The thought of doing work and going through a day and doing what I have to do just makes me want to cry.

Then today it's worse. Second guessing everything and so much anxiety and random stress. Over everything. Sore and just don't know what...
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Devil Dez
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 56 Comments 2 Melancholia. is offline
Old

I am nothing. (Trig)

Posted February 16th 2014 at 09:05 PM by Melancholia. (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)

My friends tell me all of these cool stories about the things they do. And even stories that I shouldn't approve of but I wish I could do and get away with anyway. Going to parties, hanging out with friends, hell, even drinking and shoplifting and getting away with both. Buying this and that, getting tattoos/piercings, dying their hair. Getting new cars. Doing all of these good things for the community. Getting some award.

Having some talent. They all sing, dance, do something. Because...
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Devil Dez
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Views 79 Comments 2 Melancholia. is offline
Old

Meh. (Trig?)

Posted January 29th 2014 at 10:15 PM by Melancholia. (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)

Skipped school today. I have such an aversion to taking the bus in the morning and my mom couldn't take me today, so I sort of just sat in bed refusing to get dressed until I ran late. Not to mention I dropped my Kindle on my face and managed to cut my lip, and I gave myself a little bit of a fat lip. So my face hurt. And TH was down this morning.

Well, I DID start getting dressed after a while but either way it was too late and for some reason I was such an emotional wreck this...
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Devil Dez
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Views 94 Comments 3 Melancholia. is offline
Old

Yet another blog. Trig.

Posted January 21st 2014 at 03:11 AM by Melancholia. (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)

Can't do this. Really can't do this. I'm so stupid and won't make it anywhere in life and ugh. Cried like twice today and it put my brain in such a haze. It always makes me so tired and sick feeling to cry. I can't think. I can't type. I just want to curl up and sleep. Getting a headache from the stress I'm under.

Skipped out on therapy on Friday because I just wanted to go home. I hope she still calls me down at some point this week. I she doesn't by Friday I'll probably give in...
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Devil Dez
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Views 83 Comments 4 Melancholia. is offline
Old

Wellp. (trig?)

Posted January 19th 2014 at 09:14 PM by Melancholia. (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)

It all hit me again. 65 in science isn't going to get improved because I realized from the start of everything that I can't do it and have more work for that class loaded on top of me to add on to all of it. Fun. Spent the other night crying because I realized how much of a failure I really am. Haven't studied. Any time I think about it I cry.

Math: Apparently what we are doing has a lot of "simple algebra" in it. Simple? God. I can't even do any of it.

...
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Devil Dez
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Views 82 Comments 2 Melancholia. is offline


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