I've just had another breakdown. Over something stupid. My school's National Honor Society offers scholarships but apparently my essay was bad. If I don't redo my essay for this scholarship application by Monday I will get rejected for it. Second rejection I've gotten on a scholarship and I haven't even heard back from the rest.

Then there's the stress of graduation being soon, and having to say a speech so that adds to my breakdown. Plus we have to present senior portfolios soon....

Can't do this. Really can't do this. I'm so stupid and won't make it anywhere in life and ugh. Cried like twice today and it put my brain in such a haze. It always makes me so tired and sick feeling to cry. I can't think. I can't type. I just want to curl up and sleep. Getting a headache from the stress I'm under.

Skipped out on therapy on Friday because I just wanted to go home. I hope she still calls me down at some point this week. I she doesn't by Friday I'll probably give in...

I had a mental breakdown last night.

I cut myself a little bit and really wanted to do it a lot more. I wanted to see the blood and do what I had to to release the anxiety and that heavy feeling on my heart. I only did a little bit but knew I had to refrain before I got myself into trouble with my parents.

So what do I do? I call a hotline. The self harm hotline was closed so I called the suicide hotline because well, I was in danger of cutting too much or too deep...