Fat, stupid, useless. Not working. Not doing anything worth doing. Stupid girl. You don't deserve to live. Seriously, you don't. You're so fat. And ugly. And unlovable.

Why am I doing this? I've barely eaten. I feel dizzy. Why can't I stop exercising?

Might get an appointment to see a dietician. That's what my counselor said. I'm scared. I have more weight to lose. I'm not thin enough for them to tell me what to eat.

Freezing cold. I ate this morning. Exercised obsessively afterwards but I still ate.

Is that an achievement? I think it is.

I have an appointment with my counselor on Tuesday. I don't think I'm going to be able to ask for the help I need. I'm scared.

There's a voice in my head telling me to lose weight. Just x more pounds. Just until you reach this weight. Just until you're underweight. Just until your BMI is this. Just until you die.

I wanted to get better but I can't do it on my own. I keep thinking I don't have a problem, like I'm in denial, but then I realise, like today, that this isn't normal and I'm out of control. But then the fact that I know I have a problem means that I can't have a problem because people with eating...