I've been this tired, grumpy mess of a person lately who has lost a lot of enjoyment in things. I've had a lot of baseline sad lately, meaning that instead of being neutral when nothing's going on, I'm just sad or tired. I'm in bed a lot of the time at home and at school I just wish I could take a nap. But I'm muddling by.

I wish this feeling would go away though. Last night I got inducted into the Golden Key International Honor Society. It should have been happy but I was so grumpy...

Semester needs to be over.
GPA going to suffer.
Taking on way too much. Bit off more than I can chew. Constantly busy. Never can get a break and am getting really stressed and tired and overwhelmed in general.
Can't keep track of my schedule I'm so busy. Keep double booking myself.
Busy back to back to back many days.
Need to be done. My brain is on fire. Can't handle much more of this.
March is almost done. Then all of April and half of may and I am done. Just...

This week was mostly okay. Snow day on Monday so some of my friends and I all hung out. The rest of the week progressed relatively okay. Just have political science and some work training stuff to do this weekend unless I want to go ahead with English work.

Got my medication dosage raised significantly today and that's without me even telling her just how bad I've been.
Went to Stop and Shop to go shopping with my roommates and at the end checked the pharmacy to see if my...

I don't want to do this anymore.

This semester has been overwhelming and I have taken on too much and I'm so overwhelmed and just. I'm always busy.

One professor is an asshole. But I'm not as concerned about him.

My geology class. Two tests coming up and I'm going to fail both of them. One's a lab test Tuesday and one's a lecture test Thursday. She drops the lowest lecture exam grade so I'm really tempted not to show up for class at all.

I haven't...

The Disability Resource Center said they couldn't help me. I guess I must be too functional for them. My GPA is too good. Suggested practicing talking to the professors more and not dropping classes so quickly. Said to continue talking to my therapist. Said I could bring the documentation to them if I want and they'll leave the folder open, but what'll that do for me? Nothing. So fuck that.

The only reason my GPA is so good is because I make myself feel like absolute shit all the...

I started school again yesterday and am already overwhelmed and have bit off more than I can chew. I'm constantly busy. I've been working nonstop these past two days with schoolwork, and I haven't even started my job yet, which will add more pressure. I'm not even confident in my work. My middle back is sore because that is where I carry all my stress. I just get so blah when I have things hanging over me and I feel as if I NEED to get things done, even if it's not due for another week. Or else...

I woke up feeling really weird. I can't really describe it, but my head felt funny and it was almost as if I wasn't fully in my body, but yet I was? I don't know. I also woke up with aches in my thighs and lower back. I'd been having super weird dreams all night. About the exam, about going to Starbucks on some random field trip, about some...weird dream where I could change colors of myself and my surroundings and other weird things. I don't remember them very well, but they were odd.
...

I have been nothing but a blob all winter break. I thought I had all of these plans in place for the break to keep me from getting depressed or bored or whatever but apparently that didn't work since all I've been doing for the most part is laying in bed.

I have been taking one online winter class and I have one week of it left. I can't motivate myself to do this assignment though even though I really need to. I keep putting it off. It's due Tuesday so my friend and I are supposed...

I had to drop the theatre class I was going to be taking over the winter. I was stupid and didn't look at the course description well enough so I didn't realize that I would have to attend a play. That wouldn't be a problem it it were a full-semester class, but winter session classes are only 3 weeks long which is too short notice. I feel so stupid and hate myself for not noticing that earlier. This sets my plan back even more and now I feel like I'm never going to get to where I want to be....

I have felt so bad about myself lately. I have gained so much weight it is ridiculous. I am now definitely overweight and this just doesn't feel good or healthy for me but yet I eat anyway and don't exercise and don't do anything to stop it and then keep feeling bad about myself when I gain weight. I'm so fat and have so many stretchmarks it's so gross. I am so gross in general. My teeth are bad and I have acne and eczema and my hair is wild and never tame and I have no style. I am selfish and disappointed...