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Like A Knife In My Gut
Posted December 7th 2011 at 03:30 PM by Hopeyyy
These past few days have been pretty good. My fake smile is getting me through.
But somthing happened with Bryan. You know, the 4 year exboyfriend? Ya. Him.
We started talking again. It was a real smile with him. He kept me laughing. I couldn't help laughing, it was too contagious. Everything with him is just ...just so...natural. And when I hugged him goodbye...I almost forgot he wasn't mine, and I wasn't his. Just for a moment. Just for a glimpse. I saw all the happy times we used to have. But then all the pain struck me like a knife in my gut.
I had to let him go. What if he still likes me? What if I get another chance? No...I waited for way too long, I gave him way too many chances. I waited. And waited. It felt like forever. Then Nolan pulled me out of the funk. And then I was back to "normal". Even after me and Nolan broke up. I knew I could handle it, deep down indside.
It still doesn't change the fact about this kid Eskie. I like him a lot. He doesn't like me. He says he does, but wants to be friends with benefits. It is like Alan all over again, except Alan was more connected to me.
Is it even right for a 15 year old to go through all this? I think love isn't meant for me right now, if it was I would have stayed with Bryan. I would be happy.
Maybe I should just forget it all.
I should put in the back in my mind and smile like it's all alright.
Like. Everything. Is. Okay.
It will be okay..
But somthing happened with Bryan. You know, the 4 year exboyfriend? Ya. Him.
We started talking again. It was a real smile with him. He kept me laughing. I couldn't help laughing, it was too contagious. Everything with him is just ...just so...natural. And when I hugged him goodbye...I almost forgot he wasn't mine, and I wasn't his. Just for a moment. Just for a glimpse. I saw all the happy times we used to have. But then all the pain struck me like a knife in my gut.
I had to let him go. What if he still likes me? What if I get another chance? No...I waited for way too long, I gave him way too many chances. I waited. And waited. It felt like forever. Then Nolan pulled me out of the funk. And then I was back to "normal". Even after me and Nolan broke up. I knew I could handle it, deep down indside.
It still doesn't change the fact about this kid Eskie. I like him a lot. He doesn't like me. He says he does, but wants to be friends with benefits. It is like Alan all over again, except Alan was more connected to me.
Is it even right for a 15 year old to go through all this? I think love isn't meant for me right now, if it was I would have stayed with Bryan. I would be happy.
Maybe I should just forget it all.
I should put in the back in my mind and smile like it's all alright.
Like. Everything. Is. Okay.
It will be okay..
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