Private entries cannot be viewed from this page. Click here to view this entry if you have permission to.

Private entries cannot be viewed from this page. Click here to view this entry if you have permission to.

I did the Reality Acceptance worksheet for DBT, and it was very confronting, and it has opened a whole massive can of worms. I rang Debbie this morning. I had no other option. This stuff is too big, I can't process it. It's sitting in my mind and it's so unpleasant and I just don't know what to do with it.

I want to cut really badly. I've just hit ten weeks and I've set a new goal, of six more weeks on top of that, but it just - it feels like it would help so much right now. It would...

Hey, this is just a quick entry (I'm really tired) to let you guys know the outcome of my sentencing.

2 months community detention (electronic curfew) and 12 months supervision. Probably the best outcome I could hope for.

Anyway I'll type another entry on another day when I don't feel so shattered.

I want to write but I can't sort the thoughts out enough to get the words into any semblance of sense and it's going a bit quick, there's a lot happening, a lot in my head, JUST GO WITH IT, it's all pretty good I feel good I feel good I feel good.

I kept running instead of walking, what adults run? Run to DBT run around in DBT run to have a smoke run back from a smoke talk so much can't stay still positive positive optimistic I live I will live I have lived. Alive.

...

I'm riding a motherfucking roller-coaster, not sure if want, no way off . . .

So lemme tell you about my weekend. Because Friday it was . . . well it was fairly awful, and by the end of the day I felt sick as a dog, all nauseated and gross and terrible, so I had some toast and went to bed just after 6 PM. I stayed in bed until 10 AM on Saturday, then I had to get up and get ready for the wedding.

Oh yeah, my body did this awesome trick where is turns out Saturday was...

Private entries cannot be viewed from this page. Click here to view this entry if you have permission to.

Private entries cannot be viewed from this page. Click here to view this entry if you have permission to.

Today has been a relatively good day. It didn't start out so great, I'm still running on a minimal amount of sleep, and then my neighbour started screaming at around half past nine, but it was only screaming and she calmed down pretty quick.

I got an early lunch on the way to see Debbie and posted some mail that is now in transit to England. Then I saw Debbie, and that went well, because we planted the flower seeds (yes, the cup was still there, lmao), and she said she'd been excited...

Small things help.

As my stalkers know, Debbie and I are planting some flower seeds tomorrow. If she picks Marigolds, they take roughly 12 weeks to flower. If she picks Stock Cinderella, well then, according to the instructions they're a lot more difficult to grow and the packet doesn't say how long between planting and flowering. It's most likely that we'll plant Marigolds . . . as that was the flower we both thought of.

Anyway, the story of the cup.
I was very...