I feel so depressed I am finding it hard to even fake happiness.

on tuesday I just randomly found myslef crying infront of my tutor ( joys she pretends she knows everything that is going on) Then I caouldn't concentrate in eny lessons and dragged myslef from room to room willing the day to end. I then ended up falling asleep most of the evening as I could not be bothered to do anything.
I managed not to SH though.

Today I haev felt much the same but just about stopped...

Just had a massive arguement with mum and dad. They went on bout how I never do wat I say I will and how I do nothing on weekend days.
So I got really angry and was like actually I start doing productive things at 10am and have done a daily planner for yr 10.
So they were like yh yr 10 which u arnt taking seriously and u obs dont care bout ur future.

This is a total lie Ive fully focused in all lessons today and have got a system that should help me get my work organized....

First full day of school today.

Listioned and concentrated
Laughed
talked
smiled
hugged
gave girlfiend advice to best guy mate.
Ate small bowl of pasta
tons of pringels
5 strawbury long sticks of some sweet

All of my happy emotions= faked
My mini binge on crips and sweets = to cover up feeling fat to friends

Why am I at faking point again
Why do I feel depressed again
Whats the point in...

Today was alright.
Tommorow is boring hanks to the lessons. = science, maths,english,pe and german.

Stressed out
feel fat
skipping meals AGAIN
cant sleep
tired
worried
scared
trying to beat urges after given in previous 2 nights.
annoyed
depressed
the list goes on and on

My sister has been having doubts about her and her boyfriend for a couple of weeks now. Today she rang him and he said that somthing was up to do with him but is refusing to say what untill tomorrow which is our first day back at school.

This has made my sister really upset and worried. Then she went on facebook and a girl was asking chris what they where doing on sat making my sister even more uhappy.

Im soooo worried bout my sis now as in the past she has dealt with...

Today I have buned myslef for the 1st time and cut after 13 days of being SH free.

But whast I was helping mum prep the patatoes for lunch mum told me that the therepy group had excepted the 3rd request for them to see me.

Im so scared and its freaking me out and is the reason I cut today as I can't stop/control the nerves inside me.

I know that its good that im finally getting some professional help but it means mum will find out everything this will upset...