I feel soooooooooo huge and obese I literally feel heavy an like crazy overweight although I'm underweight medically .

My ED(eating disorder) tells me beat everyone at their own game and prove that you are not weak an can actually accomplish something that you can be more

And to feel better I have be toned and fit and have no flab ED says, also it tells me that I could
More and prove how strong I amm with things by loosing weight,I know so I feel ED is right...

Holidays are my EDs dominant and most powerful trigger and usually on holidays I can't relax or enjoy myself at all and am very antsy and panicky and uptight mostly because holidays mean food and eating in front of others and there being alot of tempting food .

So I am nervous and scared about upcoming Xmas and not sure how I will be dealing with having to eat more in front of my entire family and ESP since I'm on exercise restriction and that's my number 2 big stressor recently ...

One of the things for work I need is a doc satement my supervisor an others are worried about my health and don't want me to overdo anything and for safety reasons.

I have to have it in soon or I could be fired which is not a good thing so stressed with makin that work out number 1 stressor recently and it also makes me nervous so that's why I use ED so strongly to cope.


As ED is my coping method for so long andafter eating I usually exercise to calm down...

I can't stand to keep fighting my ED it has so much power over me and I feel like I'm drowning
In pain while ED laughs and gleeful im hurting An no control powerless sighs


Ed hates me and wants me dead tells me that is the way to to be thin is is the greatest way to be
And all. I'm not able to get rid of my Ed on my own I feel so powerless and helpless while Ed laughs laughs and says it won't ever let me go and it will destroy me as a mission