I've failed... last night in bed I cut... I couldn't stop myself... I was in the dark and I had to imagine the blood but it felt so good... now I feel shit! I've let myself and everyone else down... but I just can't do it... I can't feel good when I don't cut... but I feel the same when I do... but the release, it feels like an orgasm, good at first and then just bad... I'm no good at life... I hate it and I'm not in the mood for talking but I have to go and work ... i wish i was at school,...

Each day I feel worse... I get closer and closer to cutting and in someways I feel worse than when I was cutting. Nothing feels as good and there's nothing that can get it off my mind. All I want is the blade, it's the only thing that makes sense to me. I have days ahead of me when I'm alone, nobody to stop me, I have to do it alone and I'm not that strong! My life is so screwed up and I don't even know why!

All I can think about is the blade... it's horrid... in the shower, the razor... it just sits and stares at me... I can feel it now even though I'm in the next room... it's pulling me their... Even the blade in my pocket is nagging me to touch it... I need something to make it go away... I need drugs... I need drugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need to run and escape the house... Day 7... I have to make it to 10... AT LEAST!!!!!!

Threw crap today... came last n got beaten by a 12 year ild or sumthin pathetic... Today is my 6th day of not cutting... I really don't want to break it and I'm dead proud that I'm not even though I desperately want to and everything I see I want to use... I was trying to use my nail earlier but I was smart enough to have them really short and filed so they cant do harm... otherwise I would have... I feel weak yet so strong, I'm keeping my chin up and not thinking about it... I just hope I can last......

Wow! I can't believe I never cut today... I was in ENglish and this girl took the blade from her pencil sharpener... then this guy took it and pretended to cut... I couldn't focus for ageeeees.. Just replaying in my head the blade across the arm... imagining the blood oozing from the cut... It's so tempting to just get my blade and slice open... But I won't... because I know I can't...

Well after my little mis-hap and the couple of days to recover I am back on track to quitting It's not that hard today because I had a generally good day, but as soon as my mind wanders to cutting I'm struggeling and going mental But I did it for 4 days, I can do it for 5 this time