I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! MY MUM HAS ME TOTALLY SUSSED! SHE KNOWS THEYRE SELF HARM AND SHE KNOWS I THEN MOVED TO MY STOMACH! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! I FEEL LIKE CRYING! IM SOOOOOOOOO SCARED SHE'S GOING TO CHECK AND I'VE STOPPED FOR AGEEEEEES! I DON'T OVERLY NEED TO NOW, I KNOW MORE THAN EVER THAT I CAN'T! BUT IM SO STRESSED AND ITS THIS TYPE OF THING THAT MAKES ME NEED 2! I HATE MYSELF FOR ALL THIS! I HATE HER FOR TALKING ABOUT IT! I JUST HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT! I CAN'T HELP BUT WANT TO END IT...

I swear everyone hates me! I have a total of 0 friends in most of my classes and I feel such a loser, it's so embarrasing to sit at the front, on a 4 people desk, all on your own! All I want to do is cut my arm - so badly! I fucking hate my mum and nan for noticing and saying something, why can't they fucking leave me alone, I swear it's her that made me like this, all over me... it drove me to SH! I'm not her perfect daughter like she thinks, I want alcohol, drugs, sex and just to rebel! I wish...

I've been so fat today, tomorrow I can't eat! Not until tea! And that's a promise! I ate cereal, a flapjack, 2 packets of jelly tots, a milkybar, crisps and a bunch of choclate! I've still got tea to come!!!!!!!! I'll have eaten more than 1800 in food alone! I shouldn't be eating that much, I'm lazy, small and it's not healthy! I can't wait for uni, I'm just not going to have food around, eliminate temptation! I swear if I keep this up I'm going to be obese soon... take after my nan... I can't do...

I've failed... last night in bed I cut... I couldn't stop myself... I was in the dark and I had to imagine the blood but it felt so good... now I feel shit! I've let myself and everyone else down... but I just can't do it... I can't feel good when I don't cut... but I feel the same when I do... but the release, it feels like an orgasm, good at first and then just bad... I'm no good at life... I hate it and I'm not in the mood for talking but I have to go and work ... i wish i was at school,...

Each day I feel worse... I get closer and closer to cutting and in someways I feel worse than when I was cutting. Nothing feels as good and there's nothing that can get it off my mind. All I want is the blade, it's the only thing that makes sense to me. I have days ahead of me when I'm alone, nobody to stop me, I have to do it alone and I'm not that strong! My life is so screwed up and I don't even know why!

All I can think about is the blade... it's horrid... in the shower, the razor... it just sits and stares at me... I can feel it now even though I'm in the next room... it's pulling me their... Even the blade in my pocket is nagging me to touch it... I need something to make it go away... I need drugs... I need drugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need to run and escape the house... Day 7... I have to make it to 10... AT LEAST!!!!!!

Threw crap today... came last n got beaten by a 12 year ild or sumthin pathetic... Today is my 6th day of not cutting... I really don't want to break it and I'm dead proud that I'm not even though I desperately want to and everything I see I want to use... I was trying to use my nail earlier but I was smart enough to have them really short and filed so they cant do harm... otherwise I would have... I feel weak yet so strong, I'm keeping my chin up and not thinking about it... I just hope I can last......

Wow! I can't believe I never cut today... I was in ENglish and this girl took the blade from her pencil sharpener... then this guy took it and pretended to cut... I couldn't focus for ageeeees.. Just replaying in my head the blade across the arm... imagining the blood oozing from the cut... It's so tempting to just get my blade and slice open... But I won't... because I know I can't...

Well after my little mis-hap and the couple of days to recover I am back on track to quitting It's not that hard today because I had a generally good day, but as soon as my mind wanders to cutting I'm struggeling and going mental But I did it for 4 days, I can do it for 5 this time

I feel like shit! I hate my life... I get told to go shopping to get stuff and then blamed when I don't go to my volunteer placement bearing in ming I forgot because I got told to go shopping and then blamed... Everyone knows I can't remember anything! I'm such an idiot... and i just wasted £10 on stuff for scars, strech marks, dry skin etc... when I could have got something just for scars but stupid me didn't read the bloody bottle! God I'm just a prat! And what's more the oil STINKS so everyones...