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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Name: Malik
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My parents found out about my cuts and only the night after my birthday - April 14th 2014, 01:34 AM

I feel like I am stuck without anyone around to help me. And my father is officially one of the worst people in U.S. history. And something happened to me last night that I was not comfortable with my parents finding out.

My mother saw a cut on my arm the other night and she told my dad and he made me go to a hospital even though it wasn't very serious or deep. I begged for hours not to take me there and that I was fine but they did not believe me.
And this was only the day after my birthday, which was not a good way to end my birthday.

And they took me to a hospital at 2:00 AM, which was the FIRST TIME IN 13 YEARS that they did that...the last time they sent me to a hospital in single-digit lateness at night was when I was 4.

I don't like the people at hospitals. They are seriously unhelpful to me who I hate by 140 percent, yes, they broke the scale, they are -40 percent useful to me. The people at the hospital made assumptions about me cutting myself. they are not only unhelpful to me but they make me do things that makes me seriously uncomfortable, like they make me put on a type of clothing that I seriously don't like, and that is very revealing. I also feel like I have no rights at a hospital. They also don't let people use cell phones there. I didn't want them seeing my cuts. That was private. I don't trust doctors. I hardly told them anything at all because I wanted to leave right away. Luckily I had a cat, I said that I was scratched by my cat to one of the doctors, and that I was itching recently and that I accidentally scratched too deep...I didn't want them to know anything about me cutting myself.

My parents (again, mostly my dad), is not handling this properly. No one gives a flying airplane that the main problem since December 2013 was that I am gradually losing all my friends online and then in mid-February, 2014 my accounts to two websites was suspended only 24 hours apart (as I mentioned before) and I seriously want them back. My dad is making my life even more painful and unbearable. If I cannot live without my accounts and many of my friends and I don't have any other way to deal with than cutting what do I do? I feel like I have something taken away that I will never get back.

My parents are also trying to take my cell phone away from me and I seriously don't know why. I don't have a way to cope. I am severely depressed. They are handling it completely wrong by doing this, and also handling it wrong by taking me to a hospital. The injuries were very minor, so they should not have sent me to a hospital. Instead they should focus on the reason for my depression which is the fact that I am being backstabbed by some of my friends, and being banned from two sites. I don't trust people at a hospital. I don't want to be treated like a prisoner just because of self harming that only causes minor injuries. The way they are treating makes me want to cut even more.

I also feel like cutting in the near future and I don't want my parents to react this way. How can I make it clear to them I am not comfortable talking to them about it, and especially since my dad is part of the problem?

I don't know how to survive. I cry every day I am away from my friends. I am living with a semi-unhelpful mother and a very horrible father who is ticking me off 94 percent of the time. I don't love him, seriously. I don't have any siblings that are older than me that I can talk to. What can I do if I have something important taken away from me and the people in person nearby are not handling it properly, mostly my father?

I need someone who will be here for me whenever I need them.
   
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Re: My parents found out about my cuts and only the night after my birthday - April 14th 2014, 01:44 AM

I can understand why you feel that way about your parents and going to the doctor, but in reality I think they were only doing that because they wanted to help you. Your parents probably don't understand much when it comes to self harm and wanted to make sure that you were TRULY okay, and some of the things you mentioned such as the doctors making you put on that type of clothing were probably just them following their protocol.

I know you said that you aren't comfortable talking to them about it, but you can at least tell them what really won't help you, such as taking away your phone. My parents took my phone away for a while, but you can explain to them that nobody talked you into this or anything, but the people you talk to on your phone can give you support. Maybe print out pamphlets on self harm to get them to understand.

Now that your parents know, though, I think you should get support from someone since as a guidance counselor or professional. Since your parents know about your self harm, they should be able to keep everything you say to them confidential, and it can be really beneficial. They won't be there to judge you.

Try and find ways to express your emotions though. Writing, art, music, and exercise are all really good ways to do this, because you are releasing what is pent up inside.

Also try and find ways to make new friends, either online or even in person. You can join clubs, social groups, and sports teams for instance. Not everyone will backstab you.

Self harm won't really be useful, though. As you can tell now, it actually does create some problems for you, even if the injuries aren't deep. I really do advise trying to find another coping mechanism.


   
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Re: My parents found out about my cuts and only the night after my birthday - April 15th 2014, 03:53 PM

Hi there.

I agree with Dez. Your parents, even if what they did made you feel uncomfortable, were genuinely trying to help. As hard as it may be, one just sometimes needs to be mindful of the fact that it can be difficult for parents to learn that their child is harming themself or going through anything like that. At the same time, it can be helpful for your parents to know, as it enables you to seek support from other sources. Have you considered talking to a counsellor or a therapist about what you're experiencing?

While I empathise with you regarding what has happened with your friends, don't close yourself off to the idea of making new friends. You could join some clubs or societies in your school/area for people with similar interests to yours, or you could take up a new hobby that will help you meet new people. Not only will you make some new friends, but taking part in these kind of activities can be a great help when it comes to releasing your emotions, which, in turn, may give you a better way to cope than self-harming. You could also look at our list of Self Harm Alternatives here.

I wish you the best, and I hope everything turns out okay!
-Gareth
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