Self-Harm Advice Needed?

[drodii]

Hello. (: I'm extremely new to using forums, so I apologize if I do something wrong? idk

Recently, one of my close friends was taken to a short-term correction center for her self-harm. Prior to that, her parents forced her into the ER, and she accidentally confessed that I self-harm as well. This all took place under 2 weeks ago. When she came back from the center, she texted me to let me know that her parents were going to tell mine about my cutting.

I had tried to convince her to get her parents to change their minds, but her dad began harassing me indirectly, saying things like he would "give me time to tell my parents I feel like I need to talk to someone." Later, when we tried to plan a sleepover, he expressed that he did not want his daughter coming over to my place until I had gone to get help at least once. I'm afraid he's blaming me for her self-harm, and that he's looking for something to blame it on in general and I happen to be the most plausible reason.

I was feeling extremely pressured and threatened, because this girl is one of my closest friends. Because I could not lose her friendship, I recently emailed my parents a letter I wrote, confessing my self-harm problems. We have not talked about it together because it's not a subject I want to discuss with them, honestly. But I am extremely against therapy or counseling. My boyfriend suggested forums, and that's why I'm here.

I have been self-harming since the 7th grade. I am currently about to begin my sophomore year of high school. I have been clean since May, but have since been having urges and on/off depression.

I would love to rid myself of self-harm, but I find it hard to find any other alternatives to expressing my emotions and feelings. Self-harm has been the only way I've known to get any relief for years.

I'm just hoping that through online help, I can better myself and hopefully overcome my depression and self-harm completely.

Does anyone have any advice on how to lessen my urges/depressing thoughts and feelings?

[Ennui.]

Hey there,

I am really sorry that your friend's parents seem to be blaming you for your friend's self harm. I want to start out by saying that it isn't your fault at all. Sometimes parents have a hard time dealing with situations like this and may find it difficult to come to terms with the fact that their child is using self harm to cope.

I want to start out by saying that we are no way a replacement for professional help. We aren't doctors or therapists here, so we can't give things such as a diagnosis. We can, however, try our hardest to support you through this difficult time!

Do you mind if I ask why you are against therapy? If you don't want to go, nobody can force you to, but remember that they are a way of getting help since they can give you some other good coping mechanisms. But if you don't wish to speak to one, is there anyone else you can talk to? You don't deserve to go through this alone. It seems as if you have your boyfriend for support, which is awesome, but maybe you can broaden that support network some. This is a list of people who can help. Some of these people may be people you wouldn't want to talk to about this, but maybe you'll find someone on that list you would be willing to?

I want to start out by saying that it is amazing that you have been clean since May! That is something that you should be so proud of. Any time you resist the urge to self harm, it can be considered an accomplishment. You mentioned that you were having a hard time finding alternatives. This is a link to a list of alternatives to self harm. Do you think you would be willing to look through that list? There may be some things on that list that you have already tried, but perhaps there is at least one or two things you haven't tried yet. Don't get discouraged, something will work for you!

It is important to take care of yourself during this difficult time. Have some "me time" to just relax and unwind, especially after a tough day. You can take a warm bath or shower then curl up with a good book or movie, eat your favorite goodies, or do a hobby you like, for example. You deserve to be kind to yourself!

Maybe you can list some reasons why you want to recover. Being able to see your friend is one reason. The fact that you are worth more than self harm and depression is another. See what others you can come up with. Also, write down a list of encouraging quotes and print out some encouraging pictures, so when you feel like giving in, you have a reminder that you CAN do this.

This WILL get better. The bad things won't last forever. Stay strong!

-Dez

[drodii]

Thank you so much for the reply and this great list of alternatives for the self-harm. I'll try some of the ones I haven't next time I have any urges. <3

As for your question about my not wanting therapy: I'm an extremely skeptical person. I believe that although they may genuinely be there because they want to help, I am often turned away by the fact that it is an occupation, and at the end of the day I can only see that I am really only money. Without people to treat, they would have no job. It leaves me extremely turned off to the suggestion of therapy.

The friend I had mentioned in my previous post is now on anti-depressant medications. I can be an extremely happy person and I love myself very much. It scares me to think that perhaps I could be diagnosed with depression and be prescribed medication to change who I am. It may sound selfish and perhaps even offense, but I want to feel normal. I don't want to know daily that the only reason I'm happy is because medications are helping me to be that way.

My boyfriend (and now myself) thought that through sharing my experience with others like me, I could learn more about myself and find reasons/ways to out myself above self harm. He has been a big part of my recovery, but now I feel that I want to use him as a crutch less. I know he is there for me when I'm on the verge of relapse or in the event that I do relapse, but I want to show him and my other friends that I am overcoming this and that their help and support is paying off. I know it hurts him to see me constantly depressed or having problems, and I want him to see me accomplish great things.

Now that my parents are in the picture, I would also like them to know that I am still the same person and one day be able to tell them they don't ever have to worry about me hurting myself again. Now that I'm getting older, I am seeing all of the reasons I should stop, that stopping can change my life in amazing ways, and that there is an end to this. But like I said before, I haven't known any other ways to help the depressing thoughts, so self harm is always the first thing I think will help. Hopefully you understand what I'm trying to explain. It's always been the go-to.

I see now that self harm only temporarily gives me relief from my feelings, and instead of more harmful methods, I want to turn to something positive.

[Ennui.]

Yes, I definitely see what you mean and understand your viewpoints on everything you have said.

I can understand your views on antidepressants. Not everyone feels comfortable with taking a medication, so you aren't the only one in that boat. If you ever did see someone about this, remember that you don't necessarily have to take any sort of medication.

Maybe you can do things with your time that will make you feel good about yourself. Take volunteering, for example. It can be with children, animals, helping others that you can relate to, or doing something else entirely. At the end of the day, instead of feeling bad, maybe you will be feeling good knowing that you did something really good for someone or something else.

Or, exercise! I'm not one for exercising myself ( ) but I have heard that for many people, it is a good outlet since it can help them release their emotions. Not only that, it will be keeping your body healthy, and sometimes simple changes like eating right, getting exercise, and getting a good amount of sleep can really make a person feel good.

Have you ever tried turning your feelings into something creative, like a piece of writing or art? Then you'll have something nice to show for what you have gone through, something to be proud of.

It is understandable that after using self harm for so long, it would be hard to think of other coping mechanisms on the spot. Maybe you can leave the list of some of the alternatives and some reasons why you shouldn't self harm (such as that it is temporary and your life can be changed) with whatever you use to self harm. That way, when you go to get that tool, you see all the positive things and maybe reconsider.

Hey,

When it comes to overcoming self harm it is important to remember that you are going to get urges but those urges will pass. I think it is great that you are developing a support network while going through all of this. That support network will be great in helping you overcome all of this.

You need to know that you are not at fault for your friends self harm. I know sometimes people want to place blame on other people but your friend had her own way of dealing with things and she chose self harm. It might take her parents a while to realize this but with time I am sure they will figure this out.

Counseling isn't for everyone but it is important to remember that just because they get paid for their services doesn't mean they don't care or aren't there to try and make a difference. There are a lot of good counselors out there who are trying to make a difference in the lives of others. Also, just because you went to see a counselor doesn't mean you would have to take medication. If you conveyed to the counselor that you don't want to take medication they will try and avoid that option if they can.

I think it is important that you work on identifying what triggers your urges. If you can work on identifying your triggers you can slowly work on trying to identify resolutions to these triggers. Something that has helped me identify my triggers in the past is writing in a journal. Maybe you could start keeping a journal.

I really hope that this helped and if you need anything please feel free to message me.

[Obnoxious Banana]

I know how you feel... I got caught about a year ago with my depressing and I got sent to this mental Health area in the hospital and I got pressured with all these questions. It was scary... I remember all the therapists and doctors o.o I really didn't like it. I came here because I don't wanna feel depressed or cut anymore. But I know how you feel... I'd like to say to go tell your parents but that results in therapists and getting sent to emerge... So I don't know what to say...

[drodii]

Originally Posted by .:BreakingBeautifully:.

Something that has helped me identify my triggers in the past is writing in a journal. Maybe you could start keeping a journal.

I will definitely try doing this. Thanks