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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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TimTea Offline
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Exclamation Girlfriend cuts - July 6th 2015, 11:06 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Her mum is not that nasty to her but does not leave her alone She is very 'Hormonal' and thinks she is fat she has been Diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety and Self harm and she talks to me on facebook sometimes and says she wants to cut i dont know how to stop her please help (At the time she tells me this i cant do anything because its really late)


P.S (She Feels better when i give her a hug / Kiss and let her hit me in the hand)
   
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Re: Girlfriend cuts - July 6th 2015, 11:18 PM

Hey there! Welcome to TeenHelp. My name is Sparrow, a buddy here on TH

The best advice that I can give you to help her is to encourage her to practice some alternatives to self harm like using a rubber band to slap her wrist or holding an ice cube in the palm of her hand. There are loads of alternatives on our alternatives list here.

The best thing that you can do is to be supportive to her - keep encouraging things that make her feel good and tell her to do more things to make herself happy when she gets the urge.

For my self harm, I personally write down things that I am good at and positive traits about myself on individual parts of paper, cut them out, then put them in a "feel good" jar, this would be a great idea for her to do when she's feeling really down, as she can pull a piece of paper out and make her feel better.

It's so great that you are supporting her and are genuinely concerned about her, you could be one of the keys to getting her to start a better, more positive habit.
   
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Re: Girlfriend cuts - July 7th 2015, 03:30 PM

Hey there,

First off, welcome to TeenHelp. I am glad you decided to join the site and reach out for help. I want you to know that I think you are an amazing person to be standing by her through this and wanting to help her out. I suggest you ask her to take a look at the alternatives thread that Sparrow has linked above. It might help her to find safer and healthier ways to cope with what she is going through.

She might need someone to support her through recovery since it is not the easiest journey. I'd suggest you be there for her and keep encouraging her to do things that might help her beat self harm. Every time she beats the urges, appreciate it and encourage her to continue doing it.

You could ask her to write down about her feelings or talk about it, to you. Talking about negative emotions that lead to self harm urges actually helps. Distracting her mind from self harm thoughts could also help deal with the urges better. You both could start spending more time together and do things that she enjoys doing, so that she feels happy. You could join a hobby, take a walk or read a book together. Anything that keeps her mind occupied and makes her happy, could help.

Keep filling her with positive thoughts and thoughts of hope. But if you feel that she is in immediate danger, I'd suggest you notify somebody else who can take care of her immediately. I am glad you are being so supportive and that she has you to turn too. I hope things work out for the two of you.


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Re: Girlfriend cuts - July 7th 2015, 04:03 PM

Hi there,

Firstly, I think it's really great and lovely of you to be wanting to try and support your girlfriend through what she is going through. I know it can be hard on the other person in a relationship but it can mean so much to that person as well. Thank you for reaching out to us here at Teenhelp.

Have you seen our list of distractions? If not I want to advise you to look at them and even print them off. These don't all work for everyone but some might be really helpful for your girlfriend but remind her they're not all going to work and she needs to keep trying them again and again and keep trying new things too. Maybe she could have a look at the list and even try and make her own list of things that she finds helpful when she has urges to self harm? She could stick it up somewhere to remind her of the things that helps when shes at her lowest moment.

Maybe you could both spend time together doing things like going out places to the cinema, for tea, for walks, doing art, dancing, watching films and so on. Give her reasons not to self harm, you know? And I also think it's important she has a way to express herself in ways like art, music and writing. The more she can express her self in a safe way, the better. Remind her she doesn't need self harm, that it doesn't really help in the long run, that it's a short fix for things and it's not going to make anything better for her and that she is stronger than it and that you're there to help her through it. Even give her the name of this site and let us talk to her her, or rather let her talk to us.

You being there to talk is enough. If she decided to act upon her thoughts even though you have supported her, that's her choice and know that whatever you did, you did your best and that's important to know because you can only help her so much, she has to meet people half way too. You know? Don't ever blame yourself for what she does to herself. I know that's really hard but you're trying your best and I don't want you to feel bad for her doing something, if she does.

Self harm helps because it releases endorphin's but so does things like running, so maybe you could both get involved in that? Just a thought. Hang on in there, I know it's hard but you can both get through this with each other. I know you can and remember we're here for you both any time you need us.

Jessie


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Re: Girlfriend cuts - July 8th 2015, 05:45 AM

If your girlfriend is cutting herself then you need to make a great effort to stop her from doing that and keep her content. That or talk to her about what the problem it is could be.
   
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Re: Girlfriend cuts - July 8th 2015, 11:02 PM

It sounds as if you are a great supportive outlet for your girlfriend. It's difficult to offer third-hand suggestions, but the fact that you are so willing to support her is something I think is important for her to know. You could suggest that she see a therapist as well if she feels her situation warrants it. I wish the both of you well.
   
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