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jamdoughnut Offline
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parents found out.... - August 9th 2015, 05:54 AM

So i was at camp, and i knew i was surrounded by people who loved me, and this horrible feeling of guilt and regret and self hate was killing me, so i confessed. They told me it was a closed circle, but i knew that if i had told someone about this they would legally have to notify someone, and i told them anyway. Which i dont even know if that was a bad idea or not, it felt good to tell somebody who actually cared for me but...
they called my parents. They called them and they let them know what was going on. And they were devastated. And its sort of a good thing, i guess, because i wanted to tell them, but i wanted them to hear it from me, and i was definitly not ready for that. They also told my brother, and he cried. I cant believe that he actually cried. I hurt them, and i never wanted that for them. I never wanted any of them to be worrying about me like that, or for them to be crying because of me.
But i dont even know anymore. Again, i dont feel right. I feel like they dont know the full extant of it, that they just tuned it out AGAIN. And my brother.... i eont think he gets it either. He now knows that hes the cause of this, but he has no idea what he did. And hes not really acting any different. He said he'll do better, he said he'll change, but... i dont know any more.i dont even remember getting an apology from him. None of this feels real. None of this feels right. It feels like an act, like theyre just ignoring it all and tuning it out so they dont have to deal with it at all. Just sweep it under the carpet and forget about it. I dont know how to feel. In fact, i dont really feel anything. I mean a week ago i had finally found happiness for the first time in forever, (haha lame movie reference) and now i cant feel anything. Is that bad? I threw out my razor and told myself i was done with this for good, done with it forever, but am i really? It would be a disaster for me to "forget about it" and then have these feelings resurface in a year or two. I just... i dont know. I really am not sure whats going on right now. Im so confused.
Any advice? Words of encouragment? Anything helps...
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Re: parents found out.... - August 9th 2015, 08:20 AM

You may not have wanted to do this to your family yet now that they know, don't regret what has happened. Take it forward. Your family is upset because they love you just as much as you love them and it's that love which creates worry, anxiety and sometimes lack of clarity on what to do or how to understand the situation. Like you mentioned, they are probably blaming themselves in part that you're hurting yourself. That is a normal reaction. And you are lucky that your family loves you and cares. This creates an opportunity for you to get better, long-term.

I would definitely suggest having a sit down with your family and explaining to them how you've been, what you've been doing (self-harm) and the part it plays in your life. They may not understand that it's hard to explain exactly why you started and are continuing. Let them know that a single specific trigger may not be there. Talk it out with them. Suggest that you might need professional help in dealing with it and more importantly that there is no one at fault, and nothing comes of pointing fingers. From this moment, you and they can be part of the solution - trying to help you with it.
With things like self-harm, depression and anxiety, parents and family don't understand it in the way you would like them to unless they have been through it themselves. So instead of trying to get them to see it your way try to show it in a way they can relate to. Denial, anger and disbelief are very common under the circumstances. Don't beat yourself up. You're being incredibly brave throughout this and I know it must be a terrible burden to carry. That is exactly what family is there for. It's okay to share the burden. It is okay to get through this together - more than okay. You have all the support you require. You just need to start figuring out what you'd like to do with it.

You don't need to forget about anything. Bottling things up, never addressing issues only creates so many more to deal with. Talk to your parents about seeing a professional. As hard as it may seem, if you allow it things will get better. You're such a brave and beautiful soul and capable of ever so much. If you ever need to talk, message me anytime. I hope this has helped. x

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Re: parents found out.... - August 9th 2015, 04:52 PM

I can understand your wish to reveal this to your parents yourself, but you also appear to realize that is could be a good thing overall. I would suggest trying to focus on that, and as the person above said, have a group discussion with your family - that way, your perspective of the situation will be heard. Best of luck and take care.
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Re: parents found out.... - August 9th 2015, 11:32 PM

Hey, Jamari!

The fact that your family cried for you and is concerned shows just how much they care and it also shows how caring you are in the fact that you did not want to hurt them this way. I'm glad your brother seems to be willing to change his ways. Be patient and don't be afraid to voice your feelings to him. It may take him awhile to change his behavior if he's been like this for so long. But I do hope he does change and begins treating you better.

Confessing must have been scary for you to do but that took a lot of courage. You should be very proud of yourself. I understand that you wanted to be the one to tell your parents, but it seems like you're relieved they know now. Since you feel as they may be sweeping it under the rug, do you think you could benefit from sitting down with them and having a deep conversation about your self-harm? Explain and express your feelings in a calm way and help them understand self-harm more and the reasons behind it. If they know and understand, hopefully they'll be more willing to make efforts in supporting and helping your through this, you know?

The thing about recovery is that relapses are a part of it. I would be sad if I found out you relapsed in a year or two, but a huge positive point would be that it's a year or two later. No matter how long you go or how small amount of time you go self-harm free, it all contributes to your recovery as you use healthy coping mechanisms in that amount of time along with resisting urges and dealing with emotions in healthier ways. You're already doing so well so just always try your best, okay? You can do this. Stay strong.

Message me anytime you need.
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