Triggering: Punishment. (suicide, abuse,self harm)

[Palmolive]

I cancelled meeting him and you shouted why at me,
New Year isn't something I do and I said I needed to be alone,
My head was planning, buy more tablets and swallow them all,
By the time 2017 struck, I wouldn't be breathing but I would be with you all,

You told me I was stupid that I was messing up my life,
Hospital was somewhere I would end if I spent that night by myself,
I needed space but when I got up you pulled me down,
Beating me up with me fighting you and fists all around,
So I gave in and told you to do it, hit me as hard as you can and knock me out,
You were not afraid and the thumps in my face kept going,
Until the words came out when you told me to kill myself,
After more words and fighting I got you out,
Threw you out of my house and you were screaming outside,
Go on Jess just do it but you need to pay me back first,
I told you you could have everything once I had completed suicide first,

Headbangs and tabets with blood on the wall,
Polic turning up and we both had to go to hospital,
Mummy went with you and I was sent somewhere else,
For head trauma and CT scans with a drip that I pulled out,
Discharged several hours later and no way to get home,
Midnight nearly struck as he took me to his home,
Where he did it again and again even though I tried to stop him
Saying no please don't do it and screaming the pain after freezing up again,

After I told him I thought you wanted more,
A heart to love and for me to love you,
Which was going to be my reason for life, not to kill myself alone,
I left and stood there on top and nearly jumped in,
Until I spoke to my friend and ended up on tesco's floor,

The police said he had done it, that the process needed to begin,
Mouth swabsand samples and a clinic over the humber bridge,
Where I had to talk, be examined for evidence and more,
I got to shower and brush my teeth after where I hit my head more,
I inserted as Maxwell said you deserved all that you have got,
Restrained and handcuffed and fighting to them to get off,

Then an assessment and the doctors and another A&E trip,
For the burn and an xray and surgery may begin,
Daily support even though it ws my fault,
They want me in hospital but I know it will be hell,
One chance they said, or next week I am in,
With him on bail and being told he is known to them,
Tomorrow a statement back where I let them back in.

You bad little girl,
Your dirty fat whore,
Bad people deserved to be punished for all you have caused.

I am glad you wrote this and I hope it helped. It wasn't your fault Jess. If you need/want to talk feel free to message me.

[hocus pocus]

Hope you are as okay as you can be despite what you're going through. <3 Keep writing.

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

This is really vivid. I hope you are okay. <3